One Fine Gay

Just A Quicky

2011-06-23T12:03:00.003+01:00

Shortest shift ever! It was my first day back so I only did half a shift to ease me back in, so I only had to do 7 hours from 4 until 11. I'm shattered now though so bedtime soon.

The blog as had an overhaul. I considered changing the name too but I figured after being away so long people would definately have no clue who I am so for the time being it is staying.

Work last night was good, but it was definately odd being back. They had me at a desk, which I expected, but after 3 months of trekking to all these far off exotic places it was definately a bit of a comedown. It was great being back to what I love though and I am out on patrol tomorrow so it will be great to get back in there properly.

That was all pretty boring, I know, but I just thought I best give a little update. It is time for me to hit the shower and then bed, but I will leave you with one of my favourite pictures from Agra. It's the Taj Mahal. I know, I know! Huge cliché. One click of Google could have got anyone a picture of it, but just to be there and see it's size is truly breathtaking. Anyway, my photography skills leave a lot to be desired and its a bit wonky, but its a nice one. We took about 6 altogether, some better than this, but the others had hundreds of people in them.

Anyway, It's bed time for me. Bye for now!

Forgive Me Readers, For I Have Sinned

2011-06-23T01:59:00.003+01:00

It has been 8 months sinse my last blog update.

I sort of feel like I need a reintroduction. It has been so long sinse I last blogged that people have probably either forgotten who I am and what this blog is about or have plain just abandoned following it alltogether. This will pretty much be a small post to dip my toes back in the water and then more will come again if anyone still reads.

For those of you who are new to the blog or have forgotten me (I shall try not to cry) it all started out detailing my single life in the city and then sort of documented my meeting and falling in love with Jay, eventually moving in together and whatnot. For those who have stuck around, Jay and I are still together and very happy. It's been over 18 months now and it's all great. I am still in the force too and hoping for a promotion to Sgt sometime soon.

The world trip we had planned got cancelled because the agency went bust, but luckily we were able to get all of our money back and we rebooked. We were due to be leaving in about 2 weeks, but we took the opportunity of the cancellation to rebook for an earlier date and so we went in March and got back about a week ago. I shall talk loads about it in later posts and bore you all with hundreds of pictures. We ended up cutting Europe out completely and will do that at a later date and so we only ended up going to Agra, Singapore, Bangkok, Tokyo, Phuket, Sydney, Melbourne, Aukland, Fiji, Chile, Los Angeles and New York. I say 'only' like we were losing out, but I just mean that it was cut down considerably from the amount of places originally planned. We were lucky to catch some amazing weather though. It was absolutely amazing and we met some fantastic people along the way too which is a bonus. I also managed to get through the whole thing with only one minor injury too, which is sort of a miracle. If you have read my blog in the past you will know how injury prone I am.

Today I am back to work. It is going to be sooooo weird. Its currently just past 2am and I start at 4. I've been keeping the lads at the station updated though so it's not like I was totally isolated from everyone I work with for the whole time. It felt awesome to put my uniform on again tonight though. I can't wait to get back on the job.

Jay as fast asleep in bed at the moment. I had some extra time before my shift and it dawned on me that I havent updated this thing for a while. Anyway, I will leave you with a picture of my back in Fiji. I'm not trying to be mysterious or anything, it was just the first photo in the folder on my computer and I hate having a blog post with no picture.

Until next time guys :)

(and I promise it will be this week, not in 8 months. I'll also sort the white void at the top of the page out)

Whatever Happened To...

2010-09-30T18:15:00.002+01:00

Well hello there handsome folks. It has been way too long, hasnt it?

Lots of stuff going on (though little of actual interest) and as a result this thing just sort of fell off the radar. Tomorrow I am going on holiday, so there wont be another update for a little while again, but while I am here I should tell you all what has been happening.

Well the klutz in me is still alove and well and in the last two months I have broken my wrist again. I swear to god I need to get some sort of bionic implant to make it not keep snapping. Ive got this support thing strapped to it now, but it isnt in a cast anymore which is good.

Things with me and Jay are still amazing. Not much to update in that department really. Work is the same as ever, though I am officially off my training now and am a complete officer. Yay me. The last few days I have been covering the Labour conference thing going on in Manchester. I even managed to get my chops on the news while I was hanging around in the background looking menacing.

Preparations for holidays are still underway. Got lots of new things even though it is still ages away. I am however still shopping crazy and doing lots of spree's in preparation for Christmas. Ooh I cant wait for that to come around again. Jay and I are doing it together at our place this year for the first time. Last year we were both at our families and didnt see each other as we were a few hundred miles apart so this year I am playing ultimate housewife and everything has to be perfect. Im nearly done with it now though. Im soooo organised this year :)

Other than that I cant really think of anything else exciting to report. There is loads of boring shit I could update with, but where is the fun in that?

Hope all of you are well and will read this. Until next time....

Ry

The downsides of having your arse waxed by inexperienced policemen

2010-07-02T15:20:00.004+01:00

I cant stop thinking about Christmas. I know, I know, its months away, but we are already into the 7th month of the year already. For the first time ever, this year I wont be going home to my folks for Christmas and I will be spending it with Jay. I'm quite excited, but its scary at the same time. I think its time to start buying gifts. That way I should be sorted by the time it rolls around.

Anyways, I just thought I would mention it. Moving on though, Jay and I have been talking about moving to Brighton. I could easily transfer with work, and Jay would have no trouble finding a job, but at the moment its just a possibility that we are thinking about. Im growing tired of being in this city so I think a fresh start would do the world of good. Even if we decide to do it though, it would take about a year of planning, so nothing will be happening any time soon. I shall keep you all updated though

OMG the heat. Lets talk about the heat for a second. Britain has gone into meltdown over the last few weeks. I cant take it. Trekking around in my uniform doesnt help either. I keep seeing people in their shorts and vests while im stuck in boots and trousers and a jumper. Its just not fair. Even with only a shirt on im a sweaty mess.

We had a works summer garden party last week which was great. It was the first time Jay met a lot of my work mates. It was held in the grounds of this big country manor. We had lots of charity things going on to raise money too, like date auctions and head shaving, things like that. Myself and Victor, another officer, were put forward to have our butts waxed which was a nightmare. We were put on this stage thing, in thongs, and bent over a table while two officers applied wax strips to us. MOST. PAINFUL. THING. EVER!!! For days afterwards I had little blood spots all over my arse. Everyone was in hysterics while me and Victor screamed in pain. Ive been waxed before but it never hurt like that. We raised £460 for the pleasure though, so it was worth it I guess.

Jays birthday is just around the corner. I havent gone overboard on the presents this time like I thought I would, but I am throwing him a surprise party. Its nothing fancy, just a few mates around ours with balloons and cake and whatnot. I want to tell him so bad. Im rubbish at hiding things from him. im keeping zipped for now though.

Stop! Hammer Time

2010-06-11T11:48:00.002+01:00

I've gone nearly a month without the internet and it has been a bloody nightmare. I have it on my iPhone, but the battery on that lasts about as long as a struck match. That is why I have been quiet of late. I haven't forgotten you all, honest.

I've been thinking about getting a new car. I know it's only a couple of months since I had my last, but I really want to get an Audi TT. I dont want a brand new one though. I like the ones from around 2004/5. I will have too see how money is I guess.

Jay has started getting really clumsy lately. He's bandaged and plastered all over at the moment because he keeps falling over or walking into things. It's as if he is going around with his eyes closed or something. Perhaps my clumsiness has started rubbing off on him or something.

So good to see that summer is finally here. We have had a couple of glorious weeks of sunshine in the uk (though its cloudy and rainy this week). I love the sun, but I did find myself wishing it was a bit cooler. I went running down at the quays about a fortnight ago and I though I was going to pass out by the end of it. I am such a typical Brit. Moan when it rains, moan when its sunny, moan moan moan.

I think I am going to start getting a big arse before long. I keep finding myself glued to the TV. I never used to really bother with it, but with the new series of Doctor Who, Glee reaching the finale, Big Brother kicking off, Torchwood getting renewed so much other stuff worth watching, I am finding myself getting more hooked. I suppose it doesnt help that I have stopped going out as much to save a bit of money. We arent strapped for cash by any means, but what with the holidays booked, rent going out, general spending and everything else, I just thought maybe its best to reign it in a bit. No need to spend for the sake of it and so my nights out have taken the axe. Only for a wee while though.

It's Jays birthday next month and I have no idea what to get him. He wants a new computer so I can get that, but what else? I was thinking maybe some concert tickets or something? I hate buying for him. Its so hard. He has everything. Perhaps I should give him my car and treat myself to the TT. Is that cheating?

Right, I am off for a shower. I am in court this afternoon and I need to sort myself out. Hope all of you are having a great week and I shall be back soon

Ry

Detoxing With A Sore Arse

2010-05-16T10:07:00.004+01:00

Sunday mornings. No matter how much I try, I can never have a lie in. I think I am so used to waking up early that I subconciously just wake myself up. This morning I was awake at 7.15. It wouldnt be so bad, but there is nothing on the tv, nothing to do, and I couldnt wake Jay for love nor money. He is up now though and making a full english breakfast for us. You can't moan about that.

So again I have been quiet for a while. Two reasons for this. Firstly, a good friend of mine died and it knocked me for six. It hit me a lot harder than I imagined something like that would and I withdrew within myself for a while. Aswell as that, I have been having issues with my internet, and so had to go without it for nearly two weeks.

I have been really pushing it at the gym for the last few days. I think perhaps I have been releasing some pent up agression or something. I dont know, but I have been doing about 15 hours this week, and I usually do about 8, so I have increased it a lot. On Wednesday, I was overdoing it on the rowing machine, trying to keep besting myself and I ended up sliping off the seat and coming down on the bar that runs along the middle. As a result I have a massive bruise on my butt cheek and a bit of a sore arse. I gues I should just be thankful that I didnt bash my balls.

I have quit drinking alcohol for a while aswell. I never really overdo it with the stuff, and I dont drink that often, but I was just sick of waking up after a heavy night feeling like I had been hit by a bus. I can't deal with hangovers like I used to when I was younger. I think perhaps a month of detox should do the body good.

I am attending my first lebian civil wedding thingy next week. Should be a laugh. My friend Jo (who is absolutely insane) is getting hitched to an American (who is equally as insane). They keep joking that they are going to turn up in suits, but I think (and hope) they will wear something a bit more fem. Women in suits just dont look right. Or is it just me that thinks that? Neither of them are particularly butch, so I hope they dont try making a big statement about it.

Right, it is time for me to go eat. Sausage, eggs, bacon, beans, hash browns, black pudding, toast, mushrooms and tea. Another 5 hours in the gym will be required after this grease fest.

Hope all of y'all are well. I will get some commentage in today on your blogs. Hae a good Sunday all of you.

Ry

The Big 5 0

2010-04-27T16:44:00.003+01:00

Woohoo my 50th blog post. The first one seems like a million ago. Probably because the time between posts seems to be getting bigger but I have been a busy boy of late. i feel I should mark this post with something special, but nothing is coming to mind. Any ideas? Let me know if there is anything you want to see in the next blog and I will get too it. I am counting on your imaginations being more inventive than mine here. We can't all be stupid together.

So what have I been upto? Hmm, well I have just completed three days working at BBC Northwest. I was kind of just there for show really, but it was wicked fun. A colleague and myself were asked to go to act as advisors for a new show being filmed. The guy I was with did all the advising, while I went star hunting. They were a great bunch of people though, and a very random experience was had, but it was a good few days.

So who is watching Glee at the moment? That Madonna episode was pretty brilliant wasnt it? Loved Sue doing Vogue. And Of Course Doctor Who is back on as well. Matt Smith is the best Doctor since Patrick Troughton. All this tv is tunring me into a couch potato.

Jay and I have booked some tickets to go and see Paloma Faith next month. Have I told you all this already? Well anyways, we havem and I can't wait. Her album, if you haven't heard it already, is fantastic. Go download it. This guy demands it:

I chose this guy because he weirdly looks a lot like Jay, except Jay has lighter hair and less of a tan :D

I have arranged to go back to my rugby training the week after next. After all the injuries and downtime I think half of the guys have forgotten who I am, but it will be great to get back to the game. Since the car crash and the first wrist break, I have got a lot of catching up to do. Jay is winding me up saying I am getting a podgy belly so I have to get back to full training on the pitch and in the gym. He is just bitter because I am making him flabby though.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I can't stop baking cakes. In a manly way of course :P But yea, I am feeding him up with treats and that's never good. I will end up on a documentary if this keeps up, about people who feed their partners. I'm not trying to make him fat obviously, and he is still a skinny little runt, but I wouldnt care how he looked. Come on, big awww!!

We are off to see Kick Ass tomorrow. Have any of you seen it? Is it any good? I can't say I am particularly fussed, but Jay is dead excited to see it. We went to watch Clash Of The Titans last week, and that was pretty good. It was a bit slow in parts, but overall pretty good. And who can moan at Sam Worthington and his abs eh?

Right, on that note I am going to bring this one to a close. Jay is doing overtime today and I promised I would have dinner ready for when he comes home. Nothing fancy, just pork chops, carrots and croquettes. If he is lucky he might get some gravy too. Just call me Gordon Ramsey. No, on second thoughts....

Ry

The Money Tree

2010-04-12T13:05:00.003+01:00

Hello everyone. It has been a while, but I am back to blogging now.

We left off just before the dinner party. Well, that went down a storm. Everyone commented on how great the food was, so the nerves were unnecessary. It was really good catching up with everyone that I havent been able to spend so much time with lately, and we all ended up very drunk and had a massive orgy. Well no, we didnt really, but we did all end up very drunk and a great time. Some of my friends decided to embarrass me by recounting tales to Jay, of when I was younger. Oh the shame.

Some of my friends who came had still to meet Jay, and some of his friends hadn't yet met me, but everyone got along really well, and so now everyone is nagging for us to do it again. Perhaps we can make it a monthly thing or something?

I seem to be leaking money all over the place this week. Don't you hate it when loads of bills come at once? Over the last seven days or so, every bill imaginable seems to have been put in my postbox. I will selling copies of the big issue at this rate. Then last week I spilled a bowl of water on my laptop, so that was fucked (hence the lack of blogging), so I went out this morning and bought a new one. I wouldnt have minded so much, but I only had the last one since christmas, so that was money that didnt need to be spent. I should have got insurance on it I guess, so it's my own fault. I just got the same one as before so it only set me back about £500. And I got insurance this time.

The weather has been fab for the last few days, so inbetween shifts I have been taking full advantage and getting my pasty white pins out for a bit of a tan. I drove Jay and I to Blackpool at the weekend and we just chilled out on the beach for a while and ate chips. It's been ages since I went last but it was nice getting out of the city for a while, and even nicer not having to work while we had a few days of sun.

I have been invited back to my old place this week for a catchup with everyone. Smelly Gav won't be there, so it may be worth a drive, because I havent seen too much of the others since I left. I went shopping with one of the girls one day last week and she said that the house is still a shithole and everyone has pretty much given up trying to keep on top of it, since the two guys just keep making it a mess again. I don't miss the hassle at all.

Right, I am off to see what everyone has been blogging about for the last week, so until next time folks.....

Ry

Come Dine With Me

2010-03-31T14:25:00.002+01:00

Just a quick hello to all my new followers to start. I keep forgetting to give them a mention so I thought I would do that now. Welcome. Get commenting :D

Anyways, it's arrived. Food night. I have got people arriving at 7ish ready to eat at around 8. I wanted to do it a bit earlier, but everyone said 8 was a good time. I am being super productive with everything today. I thought I would end up rushing because I always drag my heels with everything, but The food is prepared ready for cooking, the dessert is made, the table is going to be set once I have finished on here and the apartment is cleaned from top to bottom.

I decided to go with small Cajun chicken skewers to start. They are only small so people wont get full off them, and I saw the idea on a cookery show yesterday so I rushed down to the supermarket to pick some Cajun spices and chicken breasts up. They are actually dead easy to make. Not as boring as soup either. I cooked some last night just to make sure they didnt taste like shit, then Jay came along and tried one, decided he loved them and begged that I make more so I ended up using all the chicken I got yesterday and had to rush out again today for more. If anyone is interested in any of the recipes, feel free to ask. I feel like Gordon Ramsey. With a smaller forehead.

I don't know what to do with myself now. I've got to sit here until Jay gets home at 6 but all the prep is done so I am a bit bored. I am so bad at these things. I will sit here for 4 hours stressing that things will fuck up. Is it too early for wine? I ended up getting 8 bottles of all different types, and I think most people will bring their own too. I intend getting very drunk tonight. I have a hell of a weekend coming up with work so I will be enjoying my day off with a hangover tomorrow.

I decided to do a favour for a friend and so I have swapped loads of shifts over the weekend and taken on a double shift for Friday. I start at 12pm Friday afternoon and finish 8am Saturday morning. Then I am back in at midnight on Saturday until 10am Sunday morning. I am praying that it is a quiet weekend.

Ok, I can't take the boredom anymore so I am going to head to the gym for a sesh. Wish me biceps.

Ry

Round Round Baby, Round Round, Spinning Out On Me

2010-03-27T15:44:00.003Z

Happy Saturday bloggers. I am full of the joys of spring today. I have had a couple of shitty days but today I have woken up with a spring in my step. I don't know why, but I won't complain.

I went on a shopping spree this morning. It's been too bloody long since I treated myself to new clothes and whatnot so that cheered me up aswell. I got myself a couple new tops and shoes and some jeans and some CD's. So now I think I should listen to my new tunes, while trying on my new clothes, then go out drinking tonight. I planned on a quiet one tonight but my mate Gordan rang and asked me to go for a few bevs, and I aint seen him in an age, so I figured I should go.

I went for a few drinks last night but I went easy because I couldnt face a hangover this morning. I ended up getting into an arguement with a doorman because he wouldnt let me in to a club with the cast on my arm. He said it shows I am 'trouble'. If it was anyone else I probably would have laughed, but it really annoyed me. Other than that though it was a nice night.

I finally got my new car this week, which is awesome. I got the new Citroen C3 in black. It is one of the smoothest cars I have ever driven. If this one gets bumped or bashed I am just going to invest in a mobility scooter.

I am holding my first proper dinner party this week. I feel so grown up. I have cooked for friends before, but this week we are going all formal. Jay and I are having 8 friends over and I am sstuck with cooking 3 courses. Well, not stuck. I guess its unfair to say it that way. I volunteered. Jay can't help because he is an idiot in the kitchen. I swear he could burn water. I have tried teaching him to cook but he just can't grasp it. Either that or he is faking so that I will do all the cooking.

I have no idea what to make yet except for dessert. I make a fab banoffee pie, so I shall be making a heap of that. For a starter I figured maybe I would try something like soup, because it is easy and everyone likes soup. Or maybe prawn cocktail? But then I would have to handle fish products and I would probably pass out. Massive phobia. I have to think of something or I will end up just handing out packs of crisps.

For the main I was thinking Cous Cous with morrocan spices, sautee potatoes with rosemary and garlic and diced lamb in a tomato and chilli sauce. I've made that before so I know it's a safe option and it tastes amazing. Would you eat that? Does it sound ok? Failing that I shall order a chinese, hide the cartons and pass it off as my own.

Right, thats all for today. I have clothes to try on and then I have to head to pick Shane up from the train station. Have a good weekend guys.

A Comeback Of Sorts

2010-03-22T11:04:00.003Z

It feels like I havent been around here for months. In reality I think it has actually been about ten days or so but it feels much, much longer. I have been so busy though. I havent even had a chance to come and read anything, let alone post anything, so I thought I would make up for it today.

The holiday is coming together nicely. New Zealand is in, Melbourne is cut shorter. We have started saving and putting in extra in the gym. Well I say we, Jay hates the gym so mainly it is me. It is a year away, but I want to start packing and getting things ready. I am sooo excited. We also decided on where to go this year. Once again it ended up being somewhere we hadnt planned on, so we are off to Kenya for two weeks in July. I can't wait for that either. We are going to do a safari in this enormous widlife sanctuary thing. Lions and tigers and.... elephants? Oh my!

We went to watch Alice In Wonderland last week. Not really sure how I felt about it though to be honest. I enjoyed it, but it was perhaps a bit too Burtonesque. And Johnny Depp was weird in it. Do they know how to make movies without each other? Some bits of it though were fantastic. I think one of the reasons I didnt get into it so much was because the cinema was packed out and we were stuck right down the front, staring up at the screen throughout the whole thing, with these massive glasses on. The 3D-ness could have been better too. Oh, I think I am just being a moaner now!

I had a whole weekend off this past weekend which was brilliant. Jay and I went out on Saturday, ended up drinking several bottles of wine and getting really drunk. We havent had a chance to do that for so long and it was really nice just sitting in the bar talking and getting tipsy. We went afterwards and got two of the biggest pizza's I have ever seen. Jay ate his and then half of mine. For someone so slim, I dont know anyone who can eat as much as him. It makes me sick.

I think I am going to start decorating this week. Well, I still have my cast on so I don't know how much I will be able to do, but I feel like the apartment needs brightening up, so I think I will give the place a lick of paint and maybe go get some new cushions and stuff. Ooh how gay.

Well that's it for today. I am waffling and it is boring.

Ry

The Hardest Day Of My Life

2010-03-11T14:39:00.007Z

Yesterday was one of the most emotionally charged days of my life, as well as the hardest day at work I have ever had. Luckily I have today off to recover, but yesterday I felt as though the life had been sucked out of me.

I can't go in to too much detail for various reasons, but yesterday I was paired up with a long serving officer as part of my ongoing training, and had to accompany her throughout the shift. The day started out with us being called to a domestic, where we found a woman huddled in the corner of her bathroom, beaten so severely she could barely see through puffed up eyes. Her husband had come home from work and bashed her around for whatever reason, and then tried saying she had tripped over something and fallen down the stairs.

We see things like this all the time, but the hardest thing in the world, like in this case, is to keep your mouth shut when the woman just smiles, says she is clumsy and it was all her fault for not watching where she was going, and you have to just leave without doing anything. The anger and frustration overwhelms you but you just can't say anything. Some of the guys have said that that feeling goes and you just stop feeling pity for people who won't even help themselves, but I don't want to get like that because it bothers me. It will always bother me seeing these people. That's why I have always wanted to do this job. So that I can try to help people.

A little later in the day we had to explain to a woman in her 80's, how her husband of over 60 years had been killed in an RTA. In perhaps a moment of disbelief she offered us both a cup of tea and some biscuits before sitting down and saying how she doesn't know a life without him and asking us what she was supposed to do now. She looked so frail and lonely. The horrible thing was that all we could do was offer to take her to the hospital.

An hour before the end of my shift, and the worst thing I have ever had to do in my entire life, we had to go and tell a women that her seven year old daughter had been knocked down in a hit and run and that she had died at the scene. The womans sobs broke my heart and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom where I cried. Only for a moment, because we are trained not to. Not to let it get to us. Not to take it home. But just for a moment I couldnt help it. At the end of that shift I don't think I had ever been so happy to take my uniform off.

Jay was wonderful when I got home, and he managed, as always, to cheer me up. But I think the events of yesterday will stay with me for a long time to come. I know things in the job will get harder, and perhaps my outlook to it will become harder as a result. It's one of the cons of the job I guess. I guess I just didn't realise quite how emotional it can all be.

Ry

Ryan O: Coming To A City Near You

2010-03-08T13:41:00.002Z

It's no secret that I have had a bit of a shitty month. It all got a bit too much so I did something potentially really stupid. I booked a holiday. Well I actually booked two, but I will be taking them at the same time, so its kinda just one holiday. Jay is coming with me as well obviously. We talked about different places we wanted to go to, as I have mentioned before, but couldnt really decide on anywhere. Anyways, I am waffling. You all want to know where I am going right? Ok so here goes.

Part one of the holiday is a bit of a backpack/inter-rail thingy. Its spread over 40 days and will be taking in some of the big european cities. I like history, so some of the places got on the list for historical value, others got on because I just havent been there before. Anyways, the first leg goes like this.

Start from
Manchester (UK) fly to
Lisbon (Portugal) rail to
Madrid (Spain) rail to
Marseille (France) rail to
Rome (Italy) fly to
Athens (Greece) coach via
Albania
Macedonia and
Bulgaria onto
Bucharest (Romania) train to
Budapest (Hungary) train to
Salzburg (Austria) train to
Berlin (Germany) train to
Copenhagen (Denmark) train then boat then coach to
Stockholm (Sweden) fly to
London (UK)

So thats part one of the holiday and then from london we move on to the second part. After 2 days in London we then fly to

Hong Kong, spend five days there before flying to
Shanghai, Another four days there before flying to
Melbourne for two days then travelling from there to
Sydney, spending a week there before flying to
San Francisco and spending four days there, then flying to
Los Angeles and staying there for a week before heading to
London, and then flying from there home to
Manchester

The whole thing is costing a fair few bucks I must admit, and will take around 70 days in total, but I figure it is something I have wanted to do for such a long time, and I might as well do it now while I am financially able to and young enough to enjoy it. Its booked for the first week of July 2011, so although it is all paid for, it gives me another 15 months to save up and have loads of spending money. I spoke to work and told them I will be needing 3 months off, which they have ok'd since it is so far in advance, which is awesome. Jay is finding out today if they will be cool with it where he works, but it shouldnt be a problem and even if it is, then tough, it's paid for now.

As for this year, I think we are going to do a week or two in Cyprus during the summer. Neither of us have been, and I have heard good things about it, and we dont want to spend too much money, or go somewhere where we will be going next year, so Cyprus is jumping out at us. Or possibly Crete. Who knows. We have a few more weeks before we have to make a deffinate decision.

(Randomly, Jay has just text saying he wants to go to Borneo. I'm not 100% sure where that even is. Isn't it near India?)

Anyways, the point of all this, is that after a few really shitty weeks, I have cheered up no end, and Jay and I have something amazing to look forward too. You never know, maybe we will bump in to some of you on our travels.

Have a good week guys.

Ry

The 2010 Career Conundrum

2010-02-26T10:26:00.004Z

I love my job. I really do. It has its fair share of ups and downs, and I get bashed around a bit, but on the whole, I am doing what I have wanted to do for my entire life. This year, my 'official training' comes to an end and I will be a fully fledged PC, but yesterday I resigned. Twice.

I have had some time off due to the crash, and my first day back at work was Wednesday. In the time I have had off, a new seargent was promoted. She was off on Wednesday, so I didnt get to meet her, but from what a couple of the guys were saying, she has been drafted in from a different constab, and she has dragged her bad attitude with her, pissing off half of the force within her first few days.

On Thursday, I got into work and she was there already. I had barely got changed when she took me to one side, demanded to know why I had so long off from work, and asked me how I felt about 'being paid for mickey taking absences, over minor injuries'. Now, I dont take well to being pulled up on something that has no connection to her, and was dealt with before she even transfered, and when I told her that if she wanted reasons she could check my file, and that I would be speaking to the Inspector (her superior) about her attitude, she tried passing it off as bad sarcasm on her part, and asked me to keep it to myself.

I decided, although I knew she was full of shit, to leave it go by and get on with my work. About an hour or so later, I was taling to her about some arrest forms, and explained that the name on one was wrong. Because she was dealing with it, I couldnt ammend it myself, and obviously because we dont want to be prosecuting the wrong people, putting the right information on the forms is paramount. She argued with me for over 15 minutes about how she doesnt make mistakes, and refused point blank to double check the sheets.

When she finally gave in and checked them, and saw the mistake, she came right up in my face, saying 'Are you happy now Ryan? Is it so important to make me look stupid? I've put it right now'. I just responded with, 'Was it wrong though?' and she went bananas, started screaming at me in front of a room full of officers about how shitty my attitude is and if the only reason I come to work is to undermine her in 'her' station, then she will see to it that I won't be coming there for much longer, before dragging me into one of the interview rooms for another grilling.

Steve, the Inspector on duty who overheard everything followed us in and it all went to shit. This girl is a jumped up, silly little bitch who has let a bit of power get to her head. She is younger than me, which just made me even more pissed. I know it shouldnt, but you hear about this at work all the time. From what we have found out from former colleagues of hers, she got her promotion through brown nosing, and when it comes to actual policing, she doesnt know her arse from her elbow, and got all her merit from taking other peoples credit. As big headed as it sounds, I am brilliant at my job. I work my arse off and I am well respected at work, and I won't be spoken to like that by anyone.

This girl tried her best to make it look like I was being disrespectful to her and talking to her like shit, but I think that the Steve saw through it. She started shouting again, and I stood up, said that she is out of order, and obviously not the right person for the job, and told them that I was quitting. Steve managed to get me sat down, and spoke to me about how it will all be dealt with, but she just wouldnt give up, and kept talking to me like shit. In the end I threw my badge down and walked out.

I spoke to Steve and agreed not to quit there and then, but to take 3 days out until Monday to think things over and calm down. He stood and told me about how good he thinks I am and what an asset to the team I am etc, which was nice, because he never says stuff like that to anyone. One of the guys text me today and said that the Sarge had been demoted and moved to desk for the forseeable, which is a relief, and so I guess I will be going back after all, but I have never had a day like that before, where I absolutely hate my job. I am not even totally sure why I have written all this to be honest, but it just pissed me off no end. I think maybe I am just worried that it will taint my view of the job. We will have to wait and see I guess.

On another note I need a holiday. The Winter in the UK doesnt seem to want to end. 3 months of on/off snow, and freezing temperatures is driving me insane. Jay and I have been looking for destinations and we have whittled it down to a few, though none are particularly cheap. We are looking at Dubai, Hawaii, Tunisia or Mauritious, though right now, just for a bit of sunshine I would probably be happy with a weekend in Spain.

Anyway, this has turned into a really whiny little blog so I will leave it at that. Think I will take a wee while to give the blog that overhaul I was talking about a few weeks back.

Have a good weekend guys.

Ry

Needed: Padded Cell W/ A View

2010-02-20T19:26:00.003Z

Ten days sinse my last blog. A long old time and lots to fill you in on, but I am going to keep this pretty short and too the point. Ok, so to start, remember that pesky broken wrist of mine? Well I finally got the cast off last Friday. That was a massive relief because the itching was unbearable. My wrist looked really skinny too which was wierd and I felt kinda odd without it for a couple hours, but I was glad to have it off nonetheless.

On Saturday, Shane and I were driving into town for her to pick some stuff up. I haven't had time to catch up with her much lately so I offered to drive her around so she could get all her stuff done. It was an eventful day to say the least. So we were driving into town and we pull up at the lights. We were barely there 20 seconds when some dude, drunk out of his brain, rams into my ass doing 50. We both had our belts on, but the forced shunted us forward, with Shane smashing her face into the dashboard. I used the steering wheel to hold me upwards so that I didnt hit my face (not needing another broken nose less than 2 months after the last).

As if that wasn't bad enough, the force of the car hitting us pushed my car forward into the crossroad, and we where then hit by a car coming from our right, which smashed into my side, buckling the door and pinning my arm between the door and the wheel. I heard a loud crack and then, a mere 24 hours after having the cast off, my wrist broke again. It was even more painful this time and I screamed like a bitch.

My knee took quite a bashing as well and I am covered in cuts and bruises, but I am mainly ok. I had to do two nights in hospital, but other than my arm now hurting like crazy, and with the return of the 8 week itch, I am mainly ok. Shane had a pretty rough deal though. She broke her nose, and has two black eyes from headbutting the dashboard, then as she was moving her head back and the other car hit us, she smacked her head against the side window, which then smashed and cut her head open, so she had to have some stitches as well. All that injury between us both, and all she did was moan about them shaving a patch of her head. Typical woman.

Needless to say, my car is a write-off. I am off work again too. I swear they are going to start thinking I am self harming to get time off or something. I have a million forms to sort out, plus because it has to go to court, there is the effort of waiting for another station to deal with it all (it can't go through the one I work at for legal reasons), plus insurance and statements and whatever else. Its a bloody nightmare!

I suppose the good thing is, that this time I wasn't just being clumsy, and what happened wasn't my own fault like when I fell and bashed my face, or grabbed the hot kettle. I swear though, one more injury before christmas and I am going to invest in a suit of armour or something.

So yea, anyway, that is why I have been quiet. I dread to imagine how bad it would have been if we werent wearing our seatbelts. Jay has been looking after me though. He really is amazing. When he came to the hospital and saw the state of me before they got me cleaned up, he started tearing up. I looked a lot worse than I was though. We had to do Valentines Day in hospital, which was different I guess. He loved all his gifts though, and he got me some amazing stuff. I will tell you all about it next time though because he has just run me a bath and so I have to head off.

Stay safe guys.

Ry

Making Up Random Words

2010-02-10T14:15:00.005Z

Woohoo, two posts in two days. I havent managed that feat for a while.

I have been trying to catch up with my reading of posts today. I haven't been on here as much as I would like and I feel a bit like I am neglecting my readers a bit, so today I have been catching up, leaving my comments and just generally peeping in on all your lives.

I am not 100% sure what I am going to be writing about today. This could go either way I guess. I will either dribble on about crap until eventually you are all sleeping and dribbling into your keyboards, or it will be one of those times when all of a sudden, a hundred things spring to mind that I should tell you all about and you will need extra caffiene to get through it all. I will insert a sexy man picture at this point to sustain some interest.

I got a call this morning from work (I am off until Monday) saying that they have played around with my shifts and as of monday they are putting me on days (8-6 shifts) to see how that works out for a bit. I will still obviously be doing the twilights as well sometimes, but it will mean that my shifts are a bit more spread out, which means I will be seeing a whole lot more of Jay and my friends, which is a good thing.

Cinema tonight with Jay. We are going to see Invictus. Its all about rugby with Matt Damon in the lead, so I can't see how it can fail to impress me. I think Jay is quite excited too. He got his first taste of the game at the weekend when the Six Nations kicked off and he seemed to enjoy it. I told him that if he doesnt get it, then he can at least spend 80 minutes checking out all the hairy and toned legs, so it was a win win situation. I will update you all with whether or not the film is actually any good when I next post.

Off topic I know, but I am soooooo cold it is unreal. Its snowing again today and I just can't seem to get the apartment warmed up. Right now I am fully clothed, reporting to you from under a duvet, sat next to a radiator (and for some reason I have the theme tune to Murder She Wrote stuck in my head). This is quite a random scenario.

I have been asked by my old High School to go and give a talk about careers. How awesome is that? It's a bit scary and I haven't said yes yet, but I think I might do it. Nick, an old teacher of mine who I am still in touch with, is organising it, and I think he wants me there more than anything, to talk about adversity, rather than the actual job. I suppose for that reason, perhaps it is a good idea to do it. I remember when I was younger thinking I would never be able to do my job because I wouldnt be accepted for being gay, and I would have to spend the rest of my life pretending not to be. Maybe talking about how uneffecting my sexuality is on the job, will have a good impact on some of the kids? I don't know. High school was an awesome part of my life, but going back there now seems scary as hell. I have some time to think on it though. Would you do it?

How do you feel about some audience participation? Ew, perhaps audience is the wrong word to use. It makes it sound like you have come here to see me. Contributer participation. Is that a word? It sounds right but it looks odd. Off I go again, if it wasn't a word, it is now. So anyways, you all contribute with comments and opinions and such, so how about some more? I have been thinking about a site overhaul. I love the colour black. Black is classy. But I am sick of winter, and everytime I look at my blog it reminds me of dark and depressing nights. I want to herald in the new season with a change? Different colour, bit of personalisation, maybe even a name change. What do you think? Good idea? Any suggestions for colours or fonts etc?

While we are on the subject of contributers, a big hearty hello to all my new followers. Very happy to have you all on board, and I look forward to your comments and reading your stuff. I have said it before, but I will defo be getting my act together with this thing again soon. I need to update my shout out's and my dating disasters and stuff. Perhaps I will do a shout out or DD today?

So this really didnt end up being full of interesting stuff after all. Sorry about that. More boringness from me (and another made up word I think). It looks like several people have now dribbled into their keyboards after all. Oh well. I guess I will leave it at that for now. If you managed to stay with me this far, well done and thank you. I promise my next blog will be worth reading. It will be all about how I saved the world from imploding...... Or something.

Happy Valentine??

2010-02-09T12:31:00.002Z

So I just got back from town. The one time I hate shopping is when I have to think of gifts for other people. Generally I pretty much love shopping, and I haven't had a good spree in quite some time, but today was a bloody nightmare and I blame it all on that bloody Saint Valentine fellow. I know Jay really well and I am confident that I can buy him things that he will love, but we are still in the stage where we are always buying things for each other, so most of the good ideas I have for gifts for him have already been used up on random gifts I pick up when I am in town. The hard part about today was getting things which say, I love you with all my heart. Generic DVD's or clothes just won't cut it.

The thing with me is, when it comes to shopping I never know when to stop. I never feel like I have got quite enough. Christmas is a nightmare because I end up spending hundreds of pounds more than is needed, buying extra gifts that aren't needed, so that I don't feel like I am being a cheapskate. I blame it on my younger brother. I remember one time when he was younger, saying to me 'is that all?' when I gave him his birthday presents and ever sinse then I go into overdrive whenever I have to buy people things. I will need to send my credit card to a health spa before long.

Anyways, so I walked around town thinking I will just get him a book or something. I know it sounds rubbish, but its the only thing he said he wanted. A specific hardback edition of the LOTR trilogy. It was £35 (£35 for a fucking book!) don't get me wrong, I dont mind spending the money, but the books are shit and so I felt like it was money wasted.

I wandered around the shops feeling lost. The worst part was probably trying to pick a card. Do you think I could find a nice, classy looking card? Could I hell. They were all trashy, chavvy or just plain wierd. One, for example, had a dog with boxing gloves on the front. Whats that all about? Lots of them, and I have no idea why, had rosettes stuck on the front. The type like they award dogs with at Crufts. Who thinks up these things? I mean seriously! What was I supposed to do with that? 'Here's your card. And congratulations on coming first in this year's best boyfriend awards'. Yuck! And why can't you just by a card with 'boyfriend' on the front, thats also nice to look at. The only ones that were remotely buyable had things like 'to my partner' on the front. Who the hell says that? Thats one of the most impersonable things you can have printed on the front of a card.

The only bit of the card selection process I enjoyed was looking at the older men hovering in their trenchcoats trying not to look too shifty whilst trying to find something that won't get them a slap off the missus. You could see the nerves all over their faces. These men looked like they were being sent to war, it was hysterical. Anyways, I found a half decent card (It's not the best, but the best they had) and headed to the till. The old lady behind the counter was looking at me funnily before finally saying 'you do know this card is meant for another man, don't you?', like I had gone in, closed my eyes and reached for any old card and hoped for the best. She quickly rushed through the sale when I asked her if she thought it was gay enough. Clintons ain't what it used to be I tell you.

I digress. Anyway, against my better judgement, I got the book, but as soon as I paid for it, I got that feeling again. Even though he said it is all he wanted, it just didnt seem enough. I ended up buying him another two books. Then I went and got him two computer games. Then a cd. Then Some chocolates. Some gorgeous underwear. Then some DVD's (see my issue here?). The thing is, the money doesnt figure into it. I dont mind spending the money. Its more the amount of actual gifts. I didn't want him to have that 'is that all' feeling, so I just kept going. I got him a mug with this little ditty on about being a brilliant boyfriend. Then I picked him up a few funny things, like a sex bell (for him to ring when he wants sex, obviously)....

Ooh I just had major Deja vu

Sorry, back on track. So I decided if I didnt get out of the shopping centre my bank would be sending men to bundle me off to shopaholics anonymous. On my way out though I passed a jewellers and I figured I should have a browse. I only went in to have a snoop but I ended up coming out with an engraved silver bracelet (Grrrr). Its lovely though. I had his name put on the plate part, then on the underside had the date we started going out. I think he will really like that.

By this point I was nearly free. The exit was in sight and I knew that I could be in the car park within three minutes. I swear, if I had had a scissors I would have cut my card to shreds. So just as I was about to get out of there, I passed the phone shop. I looked down at my bags and thought 'just one more thing' and ended up buying him an iPhone. Cupid Has a lot to answer for!

The thing is, I got home, looked at everything I baught and it hit me. He would have been happy with just a card. He would never say 'is this it?' and would be happy with anything I got him. I feel a bit silly now. I hate feeling like I havent done enough, but he will probably look at everything I got and wonder why I spoiled him so much when in reality, I really didnt need to do that. To top it all off, I forgot to get the wrapping paper. Bloody Valentines day!!

Surprises, Speed Dating and Silent Discos

2010-02-05T16:36:00.004Z

Well hello there gentle readers. How goes it?

Major silence from me lately. Lots and lots to fill you all in on. I shall start from the beginning. Because I am boring like that. So Friday. I started work at 4am and finished at 2pm. Jay was home when I got back. Said he had taken a half day. He was fussing around sorting stuff out in the bedroom so I got my head down on the sofa for a couple of hours. He woke me up at about 6 and told me to jump in the shower. He was acting all weird and when I got out into the hallway there was two suitcases ready.

He told me to rush to get ready, so I did, though I hate surprises and kept nagging at him to tell me what was going on. Anyways, about 45 minutes later and a taxi pulls up to take us to the airport. We get there and he finally tells me that he has booked us a weekend away in Edinburgh. He knows how much I love that city. Basically, he wanted to take me for Valentines weekend, but he couldn't get the time off of work, so he arranged it for 2 weeks earlier, which I thought was lovely. Also means I will have to up my game in the gift stakes now.

So the flight didnt take long. Less than an hour. We got there and we were booked into this amazingly gorgeous hotel. Jay has never been before, but I lived there for a year when I was about 10, so I got even more excited at the thought of taking him around and showing him everything. It was quite late when we got there so we had some wine in the hotel and went to bed.

The following morning we got up and went down to the Grass Market to have a look around. I showed him the sights, Hollyrood, The Royal Mile, Edinbugh Castle, The Vaults etc and in the evening he took me out to a really nice restaurant for a meal. It was amazing. On sunday we did a bit more wandering and ate out again, but mainly spent the day chilling before coming home on Monday. It was such a brilliant weekend and a lovely surprise.

On tuesday my friend dragged me to a silent disco. It was awful. I felt like a prized nob standing there with my headphones in. I suppose the plus side to it was that I only had to listen to the music I like, but at any time when I took the headphones off, this eerie feeling came over me. Watching 200 people dancing in silence is a lot creepier than you would imagine. The beer was cheap though, so I got myself nice and merry listening to my iPod. I dont think I would do it again, but my friend loves all this kind of stuff. She is taking me speed dating in two weeks, so I have to pretend to be a single straight man for the night. Free champers though, so it didnt take long to talk me into it.

Jay thinks its hysterical. I keep telling him I am going to meet and settle down with a nice lady. It's doubtful, even if I was single and it was full of gay men though, that anything would come out of these things. Do people actually go there in the hope of meeting someone? Or is it just meant to be a bit of fun? I can't imagine a worse scenario for meeting people. 3 minutes to sell yourself to a 'prospective buyer' in the hopes that 3 minutes worth of conversation will lead to an actual date? Its stupid. Or am I stupid? Do these things work? Have any of you tried them? It tales me three minutes to check they have nice shoes, nice teeth and dont bite their nails (these are musts). I suppose its just a bit of fun anyways. Its not like I am looking for an actual date. And certainly not with one of them women creatures.

Wednesday and Thursday were both night shifts. After such a long week, they really took it out of me. I am trying to get myself onto some more humane shifts. It would mean that I dont have to have silly sleep patterns and would get some more time with Jay. I hate getting up and leaving him in the middle of the night. Or crawling into bed as he is leaving for work. Even if he is home when I finish a shift, the first thing I usually want to do is grab some sleep so by the time I wake up, he is heading to bed. Its not so bad so far because we are still getting to see each other a lot, but my hours will be increasing soon, and when I am tired, im a moody little shit, so I think if I can't get more flexible hours, then I will maybe request a transfer to another station. Its my own fault I guess, I requested the later shifts when I was single and now they dont suit me anymore. Lets hope I can get something sorted though.

Ive left a few things over at my old place so I have to pay a visit there over the next few days. I am really pissed off with them at the moment so I have been putting it off. I was sorting through some stuff the other day, and noticed that they have taken loads of my cd's and dvd's. To cover it though, they put the bloody cases back. You have to admire their strategy, but it has really pissed me off. Jay thinks I may have just put them in the wrong cases or something, but I am so anal about these things, I never would have. I still have my key so I am tempted to just go and have a snoop when I know that nobody is there, but I will leave that until after I have asked them. If they deny it, then I will do the snooping. Grrr, they make me so mad.

Nice and relaxed night for us tonight. Jay is doing some overtime, but then I am making a meal and we are sitting down to watch Erin Brockovich. He has never seen it. Crazy man. I am in the mood for it too, so that all we have planned. Bowling and then a meal in town tomorrow, then back in work for me at 8pm tomorrow night. No rest for the devilishly handsome I guess.

Have a good weekend guys.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

2010-01-28T09:22:00.002Z

I'm back. Though only for a quickie. Just got home from work and need my bed but I thought I would give everyone a quick update on the move and the last few days. I should say upfront that not much has happened so this isnt the best place for thrills, spills and adventure right now, but anyways...

So Friday was moving day. I met up with Jay early in the morning to go to the agents, sign all the forms and pick up the keys. It took forever. I swear to god I have never spent so long in one place in all my life. We had to sign about 300 forms each, initial each one, check the copies etc. Then there was a fuck up on a load of them, where they had put his last name as mine and vise versa so we had to wait for them to retype, print and photocopy a load more before we could get out. By the time we finished with all the forms we were told we would have to wait another half hour for someone to come back from the apartment with the jeys before we could get them and go there.

By this point I was dying for a drink and seeing as we were right next to a shopping centre, we told them we would be back in a bit and off we went. We went to grab a coffee and I decided to go for a milky latte. As I was watching her make it, I knew I wouldnt like it. She was using full fat milk which I hate, but I was so desperate for a drink I ended up knocking a few sips of it back. It was like drinking cream and as soon as I got outside I was sick all over the pavement. I was so embarrassed but I couldnt hold it in. Jay was stood there rubbing my back trying not to gag from the sight and I was praying that nobody was watching. The shame.

Anyways, we got the keys in the end and by friday night we were all moved in. We were both booked off from work until Tuesday so we had a long weekend of nothingness. It was bliss. We went and got some essentials on Saturday because there was some stuff we needed, but as we were going around the shops, (essentially all we needed was a mirror and some cushions) Jay kept getting excited about stuff we 'should' have and we ended up spending £300. I have to pip out again this afternoon to get one or two more things but we are pretty much sorted now thankfully.

So the weekend was spent doing pretty much nothing. We got the apartment sorted pretty much straight away, and so we spent three days cuddled up watching DVD's. We had a massive Doctor Who and Torchwood marathon and squeezed a couple of movies in too.

Tuesday came around way too quickly which meant going back to work, but it is an awesome feeling, knowing you are going home to your guy at the end of a shift. We cancelled movie night last night because we couldnt decide on what to go and see, so I ended up cooking fajitas and we watched District 9. What a bizarre film. good, but bizarre.

Anyways, that pretty much all. I have to go back to town this afternoon to pick a few things up and I am meeting my friend Amelia for a catch up and a bit of gossip. She is meeting Jay for the first time aswell when he joins us after work. Should be fun! Now though, its 9.40am and it is time for me to go to bed.

Have fun guys.

Last Night Of Freedom

2010-01-21T19:02:00.006Z

So that's it. I am all packed up. I failed my packing exercise. I said in an earlier post about how I intended to get all my stuff into 4 boxes and two suitcases, and I was sooooo close!! I managed 5 boxes, 3 suitcases and a bin bag. Thats not so bad is it? I can't wait to get out of here now. Everything changes tomorrow. I am not nervous or stressing about it though. I am going to embrace it and try to enjoy it all. It's a big old step but I wouldnt be taking it if I wasn't completely sure about it. the actual moving part will be a bitch though.

The guys I live with are taking me out for drinks this evening. Smelly Gav isnt coming. He was so excited about it, even though he wasnt invited, but the gods must have been smiling down on me because he got called into work at the last minute. At least it will be a better night without having to explain his odour to people in the bars. You never know though, maybe the celebration of me leaving would have called for him to have a bath or something?

I finished work at about 2pm today and I am not back in now until Tuesday. Jay has booked a long weekend too, so we can get settled and stuff. It should be awesome. I think he is planning for us to spend 4 days under the duvet watching tv and pigging out but he is going to get a shock. Im too anal to have boxes and mess around, so I wont be relaxing and chilling out until everything has a home. I must sound like some sort of cleaning weirdo. I will be better able to relax in a tidy apartment though. Then the fun of living together can start.

We had our wednesday night cinema night again last night. I like that we have our wednesday thing. I dont usually work on a wednesday so I was pooped this morning. I was up yesterday at about 9am, spent the day doing my packing, then picked Jay up from work at 5.30, before grabbing a bite and heading to the cinema, then I had to be in work at 12am and worked right through until 2pm today, so I slept for a good few hours before starting (and finishing) the last of my packing.

The comedy club on Monday was a total washout. They can often be a bit hit and miss because Monday is when the amateurs go on, but this week was awful. We ended up leaving after 2 acts and going and getting a pizza instead. I'm just glad it was free.

Not really an awful lot to say today. I wont bore you all with ramblings, so get your peepers around this and leave me some comments. Or not. Up to you. (but I would really like some)

Ooh, I should add though that because I am moving tomorrow, I dont know how long it will be until I get my internet up and running, so you may not hear from me for wee while. In the meantime, keep yourself safe guys.

Cleaning Up And Clearing Out

2010-01-18T12:35:00.003Z

Mary bloody Poppins has a lot to answer for. I've clicked my fingers at everything in this house, and nothing is tidying itself up and putting itself away. Maybe I could get some enchanted broomsticks or something instead? I really can not be arsed to do it for myself. I have decided to have the biggest clear out ever. I really don't like packing, so i figure if I put most of my stuff in the bin, then I don't have to pack it. Ok, be honest with me, is that like the laziest thing ever? I hate being lazy, but I hate packing even more. I am trying to get the contents of my house into 4 boxes and 2 suitcases. That is the amount of space I have allocated myself. It's not going to happen is it?

My friends are saying I could make loads of money by selling the stuff that I am throwing away, but I can't see why anyone would want any of my second hand shit. I just horde way too much stuff. I always think to myself 'this will come in handy for something someday' and it gets shoved in a cupboard never to see the light of day again. Then there is all the cleaning that has to be done. i kow there will still be four people living here, but I can't leave a mess behind. I am too much of a clean freak for that. On the flipside of that coin though, 'smelly gav' suggested that the day before I move out, I should muck in and clean the whole house. I told him in no uncertain terms where he could go with that suggestion.

As I have mentioned before, I love cleaning. Nothing makes me happier than being in a clean environment. But after months of picking up everyones shit, I took a stand and refused to clean any mess that wasnt made by me. As a result the place is a pigsty. I think everyone thought I would cave in and do it, but I have been standing my ground and according to everyone else who lives here, the mess just appeared out of nowhere and none of them made it, so I should help them do a big clean before I go. No chance!

The move itself is 4 days away now. I cannot wait. Seriously. As well as the excitement of leaving here, I have the added excitement of moving in with Jay. It is a massive step, but I think things will work out brilliantly. Things between us just keep getting better and better, and every day I am a little more amazed at how well we fit. I am head over heels in love with this guy and it feels amazing.

Tonight we are going out for dinner and going to a comedy club. Monday nights is amateur night so it can be a bit hit and miss with the acts, but sometimes you get some amazing people on stage. Either way though the atmosphere is always good so it is always a good night.

I made up with my mum. I made the first move and it killed me. God I am so stubborn. I needed a favour though so I just rang and acted as though nothing had happened. I had to do a favour in return though, and so I now have a visitor coming up in february. My ten year old neice. My brother and sister in law need to go away to a wedding for the weekend, my neice didntwant to go and my mum will be abroad, so I have the honour. How the hell am I supposed to entertain her? There is nothing for kids to do in the city centre. She has me wrapped around her finger though so I will no doubt be spending the entire weekend going around the shops buying her clothes and toys. I suppose that will keep her entertained and it sounds like a great excuse to treat myself to some new clothes. It also gives her a chance to meet Jay too.

Ok so it is 1pm and now I feel really lazy. Im sitting buck naked in bed writing this. I got home about 9am from work and came to bed to have two hours sleep, got up, had a shower, and climbed right back into bed. I guess its time to get dressed and get packing..... Maybe I will have just 5 more minutes.

Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?

2010-01-16T12:35:00.003Z

Work, work, work. I forgot how much I loved my job in all the time I had off, but I also forgot how hard it can be sometimes. I got so used to all my free time that I forgot how random my shift patterns are and trying to get back into the routine I had before Christmas is taking it's toll on me. I got so used to the late nights and lie in's that I am totally shattered all the time. I am taking this weekend to just chill out and catch up on some zzz's to get myself used to being up at all hours again. I am off now until Monday, but I am working 10pm until 7am so I will have to sort myself out by then.

This week me and my mates decided to try out a new bar called Taps. The name is based on the fact that you sit at your designated table, and pour your own drinks from the beer pumps that are on your table. A novel idea no? It beats queueing at the bar thats for sure because I am the most impatient person ever and nothing drives me more insane than being overlooked at the bar and someone getting served before me who came there after me.

So anyway, this bar is decked out pretty nicely, the tables could do with having a bit more room, and they could have had more to offer in the way of drink choices but it wasnt alltogether too bad. The bill however, made my heart sink. The drinks are a tad more expensive than average, on account that you are getting your own private pumps I guess, but having it there in front of you means you end up not really paying attention to how much you are drinking and between five of us we had a bill of just over £150 for a few hours worth of drinks. My recomendation: Go to the bar and keep an eye on your consumption.

I had a falling out with one of my friends this week. I am not the most tactful of people I admit, and generally my foot likes to live in my mouth, but one thing all my friends know is that they will always get complete honesty and truth from me, even if sometimes they don't want to hear it. So my friend comes to me for advice about their ex. Basically my lesbian friend and her girlfriend have split up (not Shane and her bitch, oh how I wish), but my friend is still pining, and is now spending her life at the beck and call of her ex, who is loving the fact that my friend comes running at the click of her fingers. My friend asked me if she was being silly and so I told her exactly what I thought. which was basically that her ex was using her and leading her on to think there was a chance of reconcilliation, when in reality, there was none etc.

She asked me for the truth and then kicked off when I gave it to her, saying I was out of order to talk about her ex that way, I dont know her, she wouldnt do that etc. So I ended up getting pissed off and causing more of a row for my friend being so blind to it all. I dont get why people come to you for advice or help and then moan because they dont hear what they want to hear. As my title today says, do you want the truth or something beautiful?

Jay and I resumed our Wednesday cinema dates this week. The choice was mine this week and so I opted for Nine. Bad move. What a horrendously bad film. The acting was brilliant, the premise was great, but the songs were dreadful, and the way they made the film itself left a lot to be desired. They tried so hard to make it Chicago, and it failed miserably. Within 20 minutes I wanted to leave. Jay was equally as bored. This film had all the ingredients to be a winner, but the plot was muddled and it was all just a bit rubbish. It is Jay's turn to choose next week and he has already decided on Sherlock Holmes. It better be good. Has anyone seen it?

Yesterday we put the last of the money down for our new place so we are all ready to go. It has cost us over £1000 just to get the place, and we finally get the keys this coming Friday. We could have had them sooner if it were a normal property, but because they aren't decorating the apartments until people snap them up, we have to wait for the walls to be painted, caprets to be laid etc, so we are using next weekend to move in. I can't wait. I have started my packing, which i hate doing, but I have condensed everything down as much as possible and thrown a lot of stuff away. I am a horder, I get it from my mum, so I am trying to nip that in the bud and only keep the essential stuff.

Jay is taking me out for lunch today. He has been spoiling me for the last few days, which you know, you can't complain about. He baught me a load of books and dvd's yesterday as well as taking me to lunch, and then he rang this morning saying he was missing me and to get myself nice and we will go for a meal, so I am meeting him in a few hours for that. Other than all that though, I don't think I really have much more to report.

Anyways, I will leave it at that for now. Hope that you all have a good weekend, and I shall be back again soon. Have fun guys.

Thank You's and Shout Out's

2010-01-16T12:05:00.004Z

Ok, so two posts from me today, but I wanted to keep them seperate, so firstly, I just want to say a massive thank you to all the followers that my blog has picked up in the 2 months or so since I started. The number keeps growing so I am guessing there are people out there who are enjoying listening to stories about my day to day life.

I believe that you should always be humble and greatful to the people who take time out to read what you are writing, and so I just want to say a massive thank you to you all, whether we have had the chance to talk, or not, I am greatful that you are taking the time to read my stuff, and leave your comments and I hope that people are getting a little something out of my random writings.

Secondly, and this could end being huge so I will try keep it as short as possible, but there are a few people I want to give a shout out too, and hopefully a bit of a free promotion for their blogs. Please don't be offended if you aren't on the list, it isnt that I dont like your blog or dont pay attention to it, it's just due to time restraints and me probably forgetting, so if you aren't on this list, I will make sure you are on the next.

Ok so firstly Octavius. My first ever follower. Someone who always has a kind word to say, and a sensible and thoughtful word to write. A very popular and interesting man around these parts, so be sure to check him out for yourself.

Next up is Nik, whose bizarre world keeps me entertained. This guy has led quite the life, and his stuff is well worth reading so click his link and check him out.

One of my personal favourites is Bobby over at bi.the.way who is telling his tales of struggling between his love for his girlfriend and his desire to test the waters with a man. Well worth a read.

In Whose Pants has been having a bit of a rough time of it lately, so head over to his blog and give some words of encouragement to see if we can't get him cheered up a little.

Next up is Just whose blog is really interesting, and who I havent been commenting on nearly enough lately. Go check out his stuff.

We also have GayMormonBoy, who I am not greatly aquainted with yet, but I have been reading his stuff and he has a great outlook and a different perspective, and his blog is well worth a look so give him a click.

Lastly is Graeme who is my newest follower so I havent had too much time to read all his stuff yet, but from what I have read so far, this guy has a lot to say and a lot of stuff worth reading, so hit him up.

i know there are lots of regulars on my blog who I have missed out, some deliberately, some in error, but I decided halfway through that I would split this into two, and put a load more into the next one, so dont be disheartened people, your names will appear within the week. Until then, check these guys out and give them some support.

Ry

And The Songbirds Keep Singing Like They Know The Score

2010-01-10T16:30:00.003Z

I figure it is time to get this blog back on track. I have let it fall by the wayside a fair bit recently, and the posts that I have made, have been mainly made up of me gushing about Jay. Don't get me wrong, there will still be a fair bit of gushing going on (that sounded better in my head), but there is still so much more going on that I have been leaving unwritten.

So firstly, last night I was back at work. I got through the whole shift without being poked, bashed, battered, bruised or punched. That in itself was a good start. I was on desk duty which I expected, but I got to catch up with everyone and get the skinny on everything that I have missed sinse I have been off. Back in tomorrow now.

I should also mention that this post will be kinda backwards, starting from last night and then working backwards to earlier in the week, with random mentions of futre events. It's probably best you go get a coffee or something because this could get confusing.

before my shift yesterday I went out with some friends for dinner. We went to this Japanese place called Wasabi. Now I should probably say that going to a sushi bar was not my idea. I have an enormous phobia of fish. Dead or alive, choped, mashed or fried, if I know it came from the sea, I get an overwhelming terror. Its a source of much ridicule from my friends and family. Anyways, I hadn't seen them for ages, so I decided to try and brave it. We got in there and took our seats around the revolving tray thingy and it started. I looked at this raw fish looking sardine type thing sitting on top of a what looked like glued together rice and ran outside to be sick.

I ended up going back in, but sat on a table away from the fishy stuff with one of my friends and had a bowl of soup. Its wasnt the nicest or most filling thing ever, but I was assured that no fish were interfered with during the making of it.

Friday night I went to view some apartments. I took Jay with me to stop me from doing anything rash. thing is, I aint as patient as I would like and I know I would have just ended up saying yes to the first one with a toilet. anyways, the agent girl who was showing me the places was awesome. I know it sounds random but she just had this great personality and I wanted to be her friend. Anyways, we looked at a couple of places and she offered to take us to this new place thats just been built, that will be coming on the market in a few weeks. So we go and look at it and because its a new build the actual one I would move into is just bricks at the moment, though she said there is a one week turnaround to get carpets laid and walls painted etc. That suits me. She showed 3 different layouts and as soon as I went in to the third one it felt like it was mine.

You know with a new home, sometimes you just know? I walked in an even with no lights or carpets or anything, I could imagine where all my stuff would go, how it would look etc. Jay thought it was brilliant too and so out of nowhere, I asked him if he wanted to move in with me. I know, I know, massive step, but it just felt right. Anyways, he said yes and we took it. We have to go and put the final payments down on Friday and then it's ours. Which means I now only have a few weeks left with Smelly Gav and the shithouse brigade.

I had a bust up with my mum over the phone the other day so we havent spoken for nearly a week. The thing is, I developed my stubborn gene from here and we are both as bad as each other, so unless someone dies, neither of us will give in and pick up the phone to make amends. Seriously we are the worst. I remember once when I lived with her we had a row and didnt speak for over 3 weeks, even though we lived in the same house. The silence was only broken when I had one of my spaz moments and fell down the stairs. I will have to be the better man this time though and phone her because I need a favour :P

The random title from todays post is my little homage to Jay. I fell asleep the other day listening to the song on repeat. Not sure why but it reminded me of him so much. He had never heard it, but when he did he loved it, and he decided that it should be 'our song', which I love. We now have a song. Isnt that like a big thing?

Anyways, I think for the moment that is all. Not much else to say really. I got through the whole weekend pretty much without any accidents which is a major plus. I hope all of you are well and I shall return with a new blog soon. In the meantime, make lots of comments. Not had many lately and I feel like a hasbeen singer whose singles arent charting very well. Wow, most random analogy ever. On that peculiar note, I shall bow out. until next time guys :D

Ry

P.s. No pictures today. For somereason, its not letting me scroll the blog to bring them down to appropriate places. If any of you know how I can rectify this, let me know. Cheers me dears

Doctor, Doctor

2010-01-08T15:23:00.002Z

If only it was as simple as a doctor, doctor joke. It turns out I am a bit of a spaz and I have caused myself even more injury, hence the last few days of silence. Firstly I slipped after mopping the kitchen, caught my head on the corner of microwave and now I have a lumpy head and a small cut. Then, the following day I fell in the snow, bashed my elbow and got covered in bruises, and then while cleaning last night I put my hand on the kettle to move it, and now I have major blisters. It wouldnt have been so bad, but I have a mettle kettle old fashioned looking thing, so it was hotter than a normal one would be. I'd only boiled it about 3 minutes before so it was a totally stupid thing to do. To top it off, I now have a chest infection as well. It really isnt my week. I think I should just set up shop at the doctors surgery. Oh well, keep smiling I guess.

And something to smile about of course is Jay. Just writing about him makes me grin from ear to ear. We had our first squabble this week. That wasn't fun at all. I suppose I made it a bigger issue than it needed to be. Basically, it emerged this week that he once slept with one of my dearest friends. I got really really upset and we ended up having a bit of a row. I tried being rational about it, but the thought kills me. In his defense, it happened about 4 years ago, before I knew either him or my friend, but it still cut. I'm not so naive as to think he doesnt have a past, but it was a little close to home, and not a situation I have been in before, so my reactions were just instinct. I am cool with things now, and we seem to be stronger and more determined to not let things break us up, but I don't know how I will feel when it comes to seeing my friend again. For the time being I am avoiding that situation completely.

On a lighter note though, things are back to normal, and probably better than they were before. I will be heading out to see him in an hour or so. He is comeing with me while I have a look at two apartments then we shall be getting some food and watching a film, before heading home. He is staying here for the night tonight.

Back to work tomorrow night. I'm dead excited. And a bit miffed that my long holiday is finally over. Could be worse though I guess. I will no doubt be stuck doing shedloads of paperwork and dealing with drunks, but I dont mind. I really love it. The shifts will get better once I have my cast off. Its starting to really itch now. I accidently smacked Jay accross the head with it in my sleep the other day too. I dont think he was best pleased.

Anyways, I must away. I know it is only a short one today, but I didnt leave myself much time and I need to pick something to wear that doesnt clash with my cast :P

P.S.... I Love You

2010-01-04T00:20:00.003Z

OK, so I want to start this blog firstly by saying a big hello and welcome to all the new followers I gained over the christmas break. Its usually a lot more active than this, so please stick with me while I get back into a rhythm after having a wee while off. Come say hello.

Secondly, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been commenting, and sorry to everyone who I havent commented on. I promise I aint being ignorant and will get around to reading everything and giving my 2 pennies worth over the next two days.

So, I finally got to see Jay again properly. WOW. What an amazing day. The whole way there I had this massive grin on my face and I couldnt wait to just wrap my arms around him. As soon as I saw him I practically jumped on him and we held each other for ages. It felt like I hadnt seen him in months. We went and dropped his stuff off at mine and then went out to get some food and, I know this probably sounds weird, but get used to each other again.

We told each other tales of what we had been up to sinse we last saw each other. We filled a lot of conversation considering we had spoke each day, but it was very confortable with no awkward silences or anything and when the meal was over we headed back to mine. It was still pretty early, maybe 6ish, so we just lay on the bed together for a while, hugging, before taking a shower together. As soon as we were in there we couldnt keep our hands off each other and that is how we were for the next 5 or six hours.

It was so nice just to kiss and feel him against me again. but I lept zoning out every now and again, just caught up in the moment I guess. I did a lot of thinking over the holidays. Thoughts about us and where we may be headed, how much I missed him and how much I wanted to be with him, and it hit me. I am totally head over heels in love with this guy. I've known sinse I met the guy over a year ago that I had strong feelings for him. Feelings that didnt go away even when we lost touch for a while, and sinse we got back together two months ago I knew I was starting to love him, but I guess like they say, absense makes the heart grow fonder, and that was certainly the case.

The whole day that I was with him I felt like my head was going to explode. I had this massive feeling inside of me that was needing to come out, but I was just so aprehensive about how he may react. Was it too soon? Would he freak out? Would he even want to hear it? The funny thing is, it never entered my head as to whether or not he may say it back. I had no expectations at all, I just knew that I needed to tell him, but everytime I went to open my mouth nothing would come out. I just couldnt find the right time. Should I say it during sex? While we were cuddled up? Should I just drop it into conversation and hope it goes by without major reaction? I promised myself that however i did it, I would say it before I went to sleep.

In the end I kind of chickened out. I was so nervous about how he would react, that the 'perfect moment' scenario went out the window. My time was running out and by 3am he was giving me a kiss goodnight. I waited until the lights were out so I couldnt see his face, nor he mine, and as I said goodnight I whispered 'I love you'. A literal second of silence went by but it felt like a lifetime. In that one second I managed to have a million thoughts. I didnt know if he had heard me, or decided to ignore me, or was mortified that I had said it at all, and in that one second, I felt a fool. Just as I was about to open my mouth to apologise for making things awkward, he leaned in, kissed me on the lips and said 'I love you too, so much'.

My nerves subsided a tiny bit and a wave of relief came over me. Next thing I knew he was climbing onto me and we ended up making out and having sex again, and the perfect moment that I missed earlier, came into realisation then. Once it was said, it was like the flood gates were opened. We kept saying it too each other like we couldnt quite believe it had been said at all, and it may be the last chance we had to say it. He told me that he had been wanting to say it all day, and even before, but didnt know how and was hoping I was feeling the same so that I could say it first, which made me laugh. We were like a pair of fools, too scared to say it to the other. This morning we woke up wmiling at each other and it was heaven.

Right now I am amazingly happy and I just wanted to share my little story with you all. 2010 has started off brilliantly. Here's to a million more 'I love you's'.

This Episode Of Ryan O Is Brought To You In Technicolour

2010-01-01T15:30:00.002Z

Happy New Year

Well to start, I just want to say that I hope everyone had a brilliant christmas and new year. I didnt get to blog for over a week, but I am back for 2010 and now you are all stuck with me again.

My trip home for christmas was great. I got to catch up with lots of old friends and family and it was nice to relax away from the city life and smelly Gav. I had a pretty sober christmas this year, which I didnt mind so much, but it was still loads of fun. I wont bore everyone with the boring details, so a summery is that I went away, caught up with my mates, had christmas dinner, spent time with my mates, came home.

Every year, we usually play a charity rugby match on christmas day for a local chidrens hospital, but because my arm is still in a cast, (can I get a collective awwwww, please) I had to watch from the sidelines which annoyed me muchly. If I dont have to work next christmas day then I will deffinately be playing. It's the first christmas day game I have missed in seven years.

I cannot begin to describe how much I am missing Jay. Circumstances slapped me in the face this week. As I mentioned before, the day before I was due to come back, Jay was due to be going away himself for a few days. Something came up for him though and so he had to push it back a day, and go on the day I was coming back. We were texting while I was on the train and he said that his train had been delayed, and so he would be in the station when I arrived, and for the first time in nearly two weeks we would get to see each other, if only for a few minutes which got me all kinds of excited.

It was then though that fate decided to start playing games and for some reason, my train came to a complete stop. I was sitting there willing it to move for what seemed like forever, and I knew then that I probably would miss him. As I arrived at the station my train pulled in right next to his and we could see each other through the window for a few seconds before he pulled away. I was absolutely gutted. A few minutes earlier and I could have at least gotten a kiss or a hug or something. I had a face like a slapped arse all the way home. Jay is coming back a day earlier now and so tomorrow I will finally get to see him again. I swear to god he wont be able to get me off him. I have missed him like crazy.

My New Year's Eve was a bit random. It was a great night, but I kept losing everyone. I sunk down nearly a whole bottle of Jack Daniels before going out and by midnight I was totally wasted. My friend Tom and I were going around and interviewing potential dates for our friend Wez. It seemed like such an awesome idea at the time, but we were probably very obnoxious to some of them. We did get him a New Year's snog though, so it wasnt a total loss. I ended my night phoning Jay and whining drunkenly down the phone about how much I was missing him before going home and watching lebian porn with my flatmate. It wasnt a sex thing, we were just looking for wied looking birds and laughing our heads off. I think she will turn straight after seeing some of the people we saw last night.

And so that brings me to today. Other than watching the second part of Doctor Who (which I have been waiting for for like a year,bye bye Tennant), today is just a mass of hours holding me back from seeing Jay tomorrow. 22 hours and counting.

On a different note I have told everyone that I am moving out at the end of the lease, or before if I can find somewhere. I will pay until the end of the lease because its just polite, but I will probably go before that. I cant take the mess and smells anymore and its making me hate my mates. Have to go back to work next week. I like having the time off, but I cant wait to get back into it all. I am staying our of harms way for the time being though. Need to heel the injuries I have before I aquire any new ones me thinks.

Anyways, this is me for now. I will update again on Sunday and let you know how everything went with Jay.

Five Gold Rings

2009-12-20T10:23:00.005Z

Merry Christmas everyone.

I know it is a couple of days early, but I think this may be my last blog until after christmas. I am going to my mums for christmas, and sinse my laptop is broken and I am using someone else's, and I dont get my new one until christmas day, there will probably be a few days silence from me. I'm sure everyone will be too busy to keep up anyways over the next week. I seriously can't wait for Christmas now. Plenty to talk about though in the meantime.

I will start off talking about Jay. Friday night was our last night together now for a few weeks. He took me out for a meal in town and then we went for a few drinks, before going to the midnight screening of Avatar. It was a really good film and we got to watch it in 3D, but there was a fuck up with the screen (it wasnt shown on the right one) so we were given free tickets to go and see something else whenever we want, so it wasnt so bad. It was 3am by the time we were getting out of the cinema though and the snow was coming down heavy so I couldnt wait to get home to bed.

We didnt manage to stay awake for too long on friday night, but we got up early and spent all of yesterday together. It was really nice just chilling out and doing nothing. We have gotten to a really comfortable place where there is no awkward silences or need to keep each other entertained. We just sit there enjoying each others company and its really nice. I am genuinly happier than I have been in long time. When it came time to leave it was so hard. Knowing that I wont be seeing him again for 3 weeks (with the exception of a few hours tomorrow) is horrible. He has said that he is thinking of coming back a few days early from his trip away so that he can see me, which although is awesome and I totally want him too, I have told him that he doesnt have to and I dont expect it. I am secretly hoping that he does though.

Today will be spent mostly packing for my time away. I am so unorganised it is unreal. My mum will be getting a lot of laundry to do at this rate. I can't wait to see all my old friends and family. It's been so long since I have been home for a visit, so although I hate that I am leaving Jay, I am also excited about seeing everyone else, so it is balancing out I guess. The snow is coming down thick and fast. It looks set to be a white christmas this year which is awesome. My first one sinse 1988. We have a couple of inches where I am now so I have to hope it lasts for the next few days until christmas so I can go and play with my neices and nephews. They are my cover story for wanting to build a snowman and have snowball fights.

In the news this week, Gareth Thomas, the former Welsh Rugby captain has come out as gay. The papers are making quite a big deal out of it, and so they should. As far as I have read, nobody has criticized his decision, but many have knocked the papers for reporting it like it is a big deal. The fact is, it is a big deal. I have met Gareth many times, through rugby and through the fact that he and my mum live close to each other and we used to drink in the same pub. That's not to say we are friends, but the odd bit of chit chat has occured, and I have to say that he is a very nice and charming man. The respect he gets from everyone is overwhelming and I dont think that will change now that he has revealed himself to be gay. The reason I think it is good that this news has been so widely reported, is that Gareth is the first openly gay Rugby Union player, to still be in the game. This is a positive move. I personally know of several players who are gay, both in the big leagues and in the smaller town clubs. People who will never come out because of the detrimental image that being gay brings to you in the eyes of straight, sporty stereotypes. I have spoken before about how I had to come out to my team mates, and it was a genuinly positive experience, but that isnt always going to be the case for people.

For someone of such high regard within the game, and a player who is so well known all over the world, I have a lot of respect for him to admit that he is gay. Opinions from fans will no doubt be divided, but one thing that won't change is the fact that he is an amazingly talented player, and a well liked and respected man. With a bit of luck this revelation will open people's eyes to the fact that not all gay people are airy fairy queens who hate sports and act like women. A stereotype all too common amongst people to ignorant to learn differently. What Gareth Thomas has done should be applauded. In coming out he has told thousands of people that it is ok to be gay, and that being gay doesnt define you. As he said, he is a rugby player first, and a gay man second. Hopefull his actions will inspire others to become honest with themselves and their team mates. The rugby world, and perhaps the world in general, could do with more positive role models like him.

On a personal note, the swelling on my nose has come down quite a lot and my black eyes are starting to look less scary. I need a haircut really badly. I am starting to look like Diana Ross. Think I will book myself in at the salon for tomorrow so that I can look good for the festive parties I will be attending

Other than that I don't think I have anything else to report. so if I dont manage to get on here agin before christmas, I just want to wish everyone a very merry christmas, and a fab new year, and I will see you all on the other side.

Ryan

R 'n' R

2009-12-16T10:21:00.003Z

Hey guys,

Been a bit quiet on the blogging front lately. Sorry about that. I have been resting my arm mainly, but have been spending a lot of time with Jay as well and trying to get myself sorted for my trip over Christmas.

I'm still pretty bruised up at the moment, but I don't feel as sore which is good. My black eyes seem to be getting worse before they get better, but the cuts and stuff are healing nicely. People keep asking me if they can sign the plaster on my wrist. It makes me laugh, I didnt think people did that outside of highschool. I feel like a nob anyways because it's illuminous yellow plaster, so I figure a few autographs can't hurt.

I spent most of the weekend with Jay. As I mentioned on saturday, he cancelled his trip away to look after me, so I stayed there friday night, then went back staurday night and stayed over again. That one was a last minute decision. I was going to just have a quiet night in but he asked me to go back over, and I was more than happy to do that. I came home Sunday night and I havent seen him sinse. Sad times. I do miss him when I dont see him, but I dont want to see too much of him incase we end up getting on each others nerves. Besides, I like that build up of not seeing him for a while and then how excited I am when I get to finally see him again. I am meeting him tonight from work and I can't wait. We are heading for a meal in the Quays, and then off to see a film. Its becoming a bit of a Wednesday tradition now, and I like that.

We have booked tickets to see Avatar when it comes out on Friday. We have booked a midnight viewing and from what I understand, it is quite a long film, so hopefully I will stay awake. I will be staying with him for the night and then that is the last time I will be seeing him until the new year. That's going to be a hard one, but between the phone and internet I guess I will at least be able to speak to him loads.

I have decided to move out of my house. I realise I am starting to hate the people I live with, and I dont want to ruin any friendships (except smelly Gav, who I couldnt give a shit about), so I have decided that I am going to just get my own place. There are some decent one bedroom apartments in the city centre for reasonable price so I figure now is as good a time as any to go it alone. I figure its the only way that I can save any sort of friendship with my housemates because I am at boiling point with them lately. Even with a broken wrist I am still expected to clean up after them and it is driving me insane.

I hate being boring, but there isnt much more to fill you in on. Ive just been mainly resting up and getting pampered by Jay. Ooh, Glee premiered in the UK last night. I have been waiting to watch this for months and have resisted all urge to check online, and it finally came on yesterday. I have to say, based on episode one, I am hooked. It was brilliant. It's totally not the normal type of show I would watch. I like Scifi and action or comedy, but this show was brilliant. I was even singing along. The humour in it is great and the cast is brilliant. If you haven't watched it, then you must. It cheered me up no end last night.

On that note guys, I am going to head off and attempt to make a bacon sandwhich. I havent really been cooking for myself since I did my hand in, but nobody is here today and I am starving so I have to try for myself with the dodgy hand. I should just say though that usually I am a fantastic cook. Anyhoo, if you dont hear from me by the weekend, assume I burned the house down and died smelling of smoky bacon.

Love Man

2009-12-12T21:27:00.003Z

Wow, what a weekend so far.

As I said a couple of posts back, Jay has got me hooked onto all these new shows. Well because he was going away this weekend, and he knew I would be stuck in the house because of my injuries, he asked me to go meet him from work so that he could give me another boxset to see me through the weekend. I was only going to be seeing him for about 30 minutes but I figured it was worth it sinse I wouldnt be seeing him for FOUR WHOLE DAYS!!! :p

Anyways, so I drag myself through town to go meet him and when he got off the train he told me that he had cancelled his weekend away so that he could look after me. How nice is that? If I wasnt likely to break something else, I would have jumped on him right there on the platform. So he took me back to his, propped me up with pillows, cooked me dinner and just looked after me all night. I may as well have been in a full body cast, the fuss he was making. It was so lovely. We spent the night talking and giggling and just enjoying each other. It was perfect. He is an absolute angel.

Things seemed to progress further between us last night. In a good way. A really good way. It's something that is so hard to put into words, but it felt like there were times when even though we werent speaking, it felt like a million words were being spoken between us. A realisation of feelings or something. Or affirmation. Thats a good word to sum it up I think. The evening was magical. I dont care how cheesy it sounds. If he carries on like this then I'm gunna put a ring on it. So to speak.

I stayed until about 5pm today and then I had to head home. Came into a war ground. Everyone arguing over Smelly Gav. I didnt stick around because I was in such a happy mood, so I went to run a bath and let them argue it out downstairs. I will find out what it was all over late on. Maybe add my few pennies in. For now though, I am in too good a mood to be mediating arguements.

Tomorrow I will be going back over to his for the afternoon. He says he has a few things planned and a big surprise for me. I love this feeling. The one where you just can't get enough. I know this has been a particularly slushy post, but hey ho. There is enough bad stuff going on out there, so I am happy to share my happiness with you all.

Talking of 'you all' I just want to say a BIG thank you to everyone who has been wishing me well, and to everyone who keeps coming back and reading my randomness, and leaving their comments. Its nice to know that people are enjoying it. I was going to do some individual thanks yous on the comments section earlier, but my blgger was acting like a lesbian and being difficult, so for some reason nothing was posting (and if I write all this and it doesnt post I will be having a BF)

Also, I decided earlier that I would choose a title based on the lyrics of whatever was playing on my iPod when I finished the post. Quite apropriately, its Love Man by Otis Reading, so thats what I am sticking at the top. Enjoy your weekend guys.

Broken Bones

2009-12-11T13:07:00.003Z

Hello all. It's been a few days. A very eventful few days. I have a broken wrist and nose. Bad times. A guy went crazy with a bat outside the station and I took it to the wrist and an elbow to the face so I have been recovering for a few days with a little bit of extra TLC from Jay, hence the lack of bloggage. The plus side is I have extra leave, so an extra 8 days of holiday. Can't really complain about that I guess. It does mean that I will be out of rugby for the next two months though which really pisses me off. Maybe the sympathy vote will get me some extra christmas presents to cheer me up.

People keep looking at me in the street like I am a thug. My nose is plastered across my face and I have two black eyes. I probably shouldnt have gone out in my hoody I guess. I'm kinda proud of my war wounds though, which is totally stupid. The doctor who saw to me was gorgeous!! Well worth the pain.

Jay took me to the cinema this week. I let him choose the film and he went for Law Abiding Citizen. It wouldnt have been my choice and I thought it was going to be shit, but it was actually pretty good. Plus, Gerard Butler in his birthday suit is not altogether offputting.

Jay is going away tonight until monday. I'm already missing him. I am going to see him for a little bit this evening before he goes though which is something to look forward to I guess. We have an action packed week set for next week because after next weekend I am going home and he goes away the night before I come back, so we wont see each other for nearly three weeks. That's going to be horrible.

Anyways, I am going to keep this short because it is a ballache to type, and nothing else has really happened this week and there aint no point talking for the sake of it. Hope you all have had a good week. Drop by and say hi.

Ry.

Oh, forgot to add. I spoke to Shane about the whole baby thing. It didnt start off too well, but I explained my reservations and how now wasn't a good time for me. She was really pissed off at first, but the more I spoke, the more I think she realised that it was a big thing to ask of me. I tried to turn it slightly to get her to think about whether it was even the right time for her and I think it got her thinking about her situation. Her girlfriend is a nobhead for one, which I pointed out to her, and mainly, that a baby is for life, not just for christmas. Or at least something to that effect. So for the time being all plans are on hold and things are fine between us. Gotta be pleased with that result.

Peace out.

Pain In The Neck

2009-12-08T13:45:00.002Z

Awwwww I'm in pain! Had a brutal morning at work. We had some drunken thug come in causing a scene and in his struggle to do a runner, I ended up pinned underneath him. He wasnt particularly heavy, but on the way down I caught the back of my neck on the filing cabinet and now it keeps clicking. The AO was trying to get me to wear a neck brace which was quite funny. I don't think it is that bad, just a bit sore and I was complaining that it wouldnt go with the uniform. Its all about the accessories after all.

Had a lovely evening with Jay last night. I met him from work and he dragged me around town looking for ways to spend his money. I wouldnt have minded but he didnt end up buying anything and I was itching to splash out, but I have put the Visa into retirement until after christmas. We went back to his and he made me dinner and we just chilled out watching some tv and whatnot. I dont know why I dont just say we had sex. I must be starting to become a prude. I keep substituting the word sex for 'whatnot'. There I go on another tangent....

Jay keeps asking to come over to mine but I am putting it off. He knows why. Its Smelly Gav. Jay says he doesnt mind but I dont want him to come over and have to sit in the stink if Gav happens to be home. Gav has to go away to work for a few days next week so maybe Jay can come over then. I've finally taken a stand against the mess as well. I did a massive clean on Sunday, top to bottom. Everything was sparkly and fresh. Once it was all done I told everyone that it was the last time I was going to do it, and so now I am just sitting down and watching the mess pile up. Lets see how long it takes before they get sick of it.

Two weeks today I am going away. I am going back to my mums over christams. I haven't been home for ten months so I can't wait to catch up with everyone. The longer I leave it, the more drinks people buy me when we go out, so I should have a few cheap nights this christmas. I talk about drinking a lot. I actually hardly do it, I just seem to have lots of drink fuelled stories. I am going to be hone for 8 days, which isnt very long, but all I can get off from work. It sucks though because the day before I get back, Jay is going away and so I wont be seeing him until the 3rd of January. We have lots of things planned in the run up to me going to my mums though, so it's not all bad.

I dont know what to do with myself today. I was going to go to the gym, but I dont have the drive to get up and go. I've been dead lazy the last few days. Think I've only been 4 times in the last week or so. I have to try and go twice as much in the next few weeks so that I can pig out when I go home because my mother always accuses me of not eating properly and tries fattening me up like a prize pig, so I figure if I put the work in before I go home, it wont have such a bad effect on my waistline. I sound really pretentious, but I spent a fortune on new jeans last week and I am determined to be able to still fit in them in the new year.

Tonight I am meeting up with Shane to tell her my feelings on the whole baby thing. I spent ages trying to work out how I can get out of it, then it dawned on me that all I can do is be honest about my reservations and hope that she is ok with it. In the 20 years we have known each other, we have only ever had one real arguement, so I think we are solid enough that things wont get out of hand. I will update everyone on the progress of that one anyways.

I am going out this weekend and I can't wait. I havent been out for the last three Saturdays and it has been doing my head in. Well, with the exception of last Saturday, which I spent in bed with Jay. that was pretty awesome. But yea, this Saturday is my friend Wez's birthday. Its his 22nd. Well it isnt, it's his 27th, but he stopped at 22 and so we keep having 22nd birthdays for him. I dont know why he chose 22. Its a bit random, but hey ho. Some people are just a little bit odd I guess.

Bringing Up Baby

2009-12-06T14:38:00.003Z

Hello there everyone. Had a quiet few days on the blogging front. So will give you all a little update of my weekend before getting onto the big topic of today.

Friday started with me playing mediator between a group of my friends who all seemed to have a mass falling out. It started over a game of rugby, with two of them arguing, which then escelated into people taking sides, insults being thrown and now about 8 of them aint talking to each other. All of them were texting and ringing me to try and sort things out and I tried, but then I ended up falling into an arguement with someone aswell. It was all very childish so I have left them all to sort it out for themselves.

Friday evening I went over to Jay's. I met him off the train when he finished work and we went back to his, where I stayed until this morning. I wont fill you in on all the gory details, but it was a brilliant weekend. Its the first time I guess that we have managed to spend a considerable amount of time together in one go without one of us having to run off to work or something. He is really starting to open up a lot more which is good, and he even woke me up to breakfast in bed which was pretty awesome. I could get used to that. He didnt want me to leave today, and I didnt want to either, but I had stuff I had to sort out at home, or I would still be there with him now. I am meeting him tomorrow once I finish work and we are just going to have some chill out time together. Dont you just love it at the start of a new relationship when everything is new and exciting?

So, on to the main point of todays blog. I have been meaning to write about this for a few days, but have been thinking things over in my head. One of my best friends in the whole wide world is Shane (that girl with a guys name I spoke about before). Well Shane is a lesbian and has been with her girlfriend for about 4 years. I dont particularly like her, but Shane does, so you kinda just have to play nice. Anyways, they have decided that they want a baby. And they want me to donate some of the ingredients.

I have always said to Shane that I would do it. I guess though that a part of me never thought she would ask, and even if she did, I figured I would be mid thirties before she called me up for service and now I dont know what to do. On one hand, I would do anything for her. She has always been there for me and I know that she has asked me because she loves and trusts me above all others. But on the other hand, I am only 24 and I dont really know if it is a responsibility that I want. She has been very specific about the fact that they wouldnt want anything from me in terms of parentage or money, but she is my best friend, and I dont know if I am ready to be in a position where I see her everyday with what is, I suppose, my kid. How do you detatch yourself from those feelings, and are you even meant too?

If I am honest, I dont think I really want to do it. At least not right now. But I think that if I say no to her then I might be fucking up our friendship. On the surface I know she would say she understands and it is ok, but deep down I know it would be devestating for her because I dont think there is anyone else she could really ask. I just dont know what to do, and I have been thinking it over for a few days, but still have no clue. Its my sperm, but without the sex would it technically be my kid? I always figured that if the time came when she asked, then I would be older, and more willing to have some sort of an active role, but I dont want to have a kid and if I did it now it would seem like nothing more than sort of business transaction or something. What I dont want is to be in a position where I cant shake off the feelings that I have a kid, and then have to watch as I have nothing more to do with it. She has put no pressure on me to say yes, but know that it is kind of expected of me. How do I tell her that I dont want to do it?

Dating Disasters - 2

2009-12-03T22:07:00.002Z

As much as I would like to say that all my dating disasters are caused by the other guy being an oddball or doing something stupid, but believe it or not, I know its hard, but sometimes I am the nightmare date and just to be fair to all the men I moan about, I am going to share one of those times.

When I was about 19 I lived in Ibiza for one summer, working as a PR person (hanging outside bars trying to get people to come in etc). I loved it. The best summer of my life so far without a doubt. Two bars down from where I worked there was a guy called Guy and working in between us was a girl called Sarah. For the first two months, Sarah was always trying to play matchmaker between us. She used to tell me how into me he was, but without him coming over and speaking to me himself in that context, I wasnt going to make any sort of move. I think a part of me was scared. He was American, gorgeous and if I am honest, I thought Sarah was winding me up about how much he liked me.

After about 2 months he finally came over and asked me out. We both had the same day off later that week and it was arranged. I think he was about 26 at the time and he was so hot that I just couldnt believe he was into me. I think the nerves got the better of me because I ended up drinking the better half of a bottle of vodka before our date. By the time we hit the bars I was already pretty wasted, and I didnt stop. I wanted to, but I just couldnt stop drinking. In fairness though, he was hitting a few back as well. We had a great night of dancing and flirting and we shared a few kisses too and at the end of the night he came back to my apartment.

It all started out so well. We got through the door and we were totally into each other, tearing each others clothes off before finally settling on the sofa. Things were progressing quickly and I ended up on the floor while he sat on the couch and I gave him head. I was pretty drunk so taking my time but the more he got into it, the more he started pushing down on my head. I was having a hard time concentrating because everytime I closed my eyes I was getting the whirlies. Anyways, he kept pushing down on my head and as hard as I tried, I couldnt stop gagging.

I tried to pull myself away, but he was having none of it and without being able to stop myself, I was sick all over his dick. (Oh my god I dont know why I am admitting this, I am so embarrassed) It was everywhere, all over my sofa, on his dick and balls and legs, everywhere. I knew there and then that the night had come to an end and it was probably for the best. Guy just got up, pulled his shorts up over the sick (ew!), and left, and for some reason I never heard from him again. Sarah told me that he had moved to another bar down the road out of embarrassment. I think I would have died on the spot if I had seen him again anyway.

Off The Shelf

2009-12-03T11:44:00.003Z

Yesterday was perfect. It was just a brilliant day from start to finish. I woke up at about 10am which is pretty late for me, then I got my shiz together and went to the gym. I was there for probably 2 hours, and then came home, got ready and headed into town. I know, boring so far.

So I went to meet up with Jay. We had arranged a few days earlier to go to the cinema. I met him from the train after work and then off we went to watch Paranormal Activity. Finally! It's actually a really good film. The pace is a bit slow at times and I didnt find it at all scary, but I think the atmosphere was a bit wrong and I couldnt get into it properly for the scares. The cinema was packed out. People were sitting on the stairs because they couldnt get chairs together. We had a group of french people behind us who were talking in french all the way through it. I think the biggest fright they had during the film was when I turned around and told them in french to shut the fuck up. We also had two girs to the side of us who were texting and talking the whole time, so as much as I enjoyed the film, I couldnt really get fully into it because of the noise everyone was making. I was there with Jay thoguh and we were cuddled up and holding hands, so I didn't care too much.

When we got out of the cinema we went for a beer. It was a lot earlier than we thought so we had a bit of time to hang around before he had to leave. Anyways, I go off point too much. So we went for a beer. We sat in the bar talking and chatting and he kept holding my hand. I didnt mind obviously, but he isnt usually so tactile when we are out. Something was different anyway, I had noticed that sinse he had gotten off the train. He was more touchy feely, he was full of compliments and just generally more effectionate and talkative. As people who read this regularly will know, as I have said before, Jay doesnt really do a lot of talking or emoting and whatnot and I usually end up getting frustrated with his apathy. Anyways, off I go again. So we didnt stay at the bar for too long. We were being leered at by some drunken pervert who came over to us while we were kissing, stood right next to us going 'mmmmmm' and just watching us like a wierdo.

So we drank up and left for him to get on the tram back to his place. We stopped off at the chip shop on the way, and because we had a bit of time to spare we went and sat on a bench overlooking the city. We had a little chat and he started mumbling something and I was trying to work out what he was saying and then he finally just looked at me and said 'Do you want to be my boyfriend?' I felt like I was being proposed to or something and I started laughing, but I of course said yes and then we kissed. I dont care how cheesy it sounds, it was the perfect moment. Just the two of us, sharing a bag of chips and sitting arm in arm on a bench overlooking the hustle of the city. Unfortunately though, he had to leave soon after, but I smiled all the way home. I think it meant even more because I know how hard it is for him to come out and say something like that, and so for him to actually ask me out, instead of just hoping I would get the hint that we were more than just dating is a big thing. I just wish I didnt have to wait until tomorrow to see him again. At least we have the weekend together though.

Bring On The Snow

2009-12-01T20:02:00.008Z

Evening merry gentlemen.

December is upon us and it is now officially (for me, anyway) ok to start looking forward to Christmas. I have been watching people putting up decorations on their houses today and it has really got me in the festive mood. 24 days left until Santa unloads his sack for me :P

I was having man issues last night. Or at least, I think I may have been. Text messaging should be banned. I always try to not read anything into a text because words can be read in a million ways, but a text from Jay last night in what was probably an innocent or even jokey manner, came accross as not so nice, and then I spent the whole night stewing over what was meant by it. I tried texting back and asking him to explain, but then things were getting confusing because neither of us were understanding what the other was on about. I rang him this morning and everything got cleared up, but that feeling of unease last night was horrible. Sorted now though, so its all good.

As a little aside, it is taking me ages to write this because Sleeping With The Enemy has just come on cable and I haven't seen it for years and it's reshocking me all over again.

My nomination for arsehole of the week goes to Rupert Everett who today has said that gay actors should stay in the closet because they can never be successful otherwise. I haven't tried to 'break America' as it were, but I just always put his limited success down to the fact that he isn't actually a very good actor as apposed to the fact he was gay. Maybe it's an attitude like his that makes it harder for gay actors to be seen as leading men. When an openly gay actor tells others they should stay in the closet, what does that say to all the studios and directors out there?

A little update on my friend Emma. Me and Shane tried to talk to her but she was having none of it. For a while she seemed a little hesitant in her response though, so we at least think she has taken it on board. She didnt say so outright, but I could tell she was pissed off with us. She tried saying that we must have misinterpreted what we saw and came up with a 100 other excuses. I guess the only person who can make her see sense is herself. I will be there when it all falls apart though.

My smelly housemate decided to get a bus into town today instead of driving, then came home and moaned about the 'state of the people' who take public transport, and how the person next to him was really smelly. I'm starting to think that he either thinks I am joking when I tell him he reeks, or he is just outright fucking stupid.

I just want to take a second to give a shout out to all my new followers and readers, and everyone who has made comments on my posts. It's great to come on and read them and I look forward to more. Hope everyone has a great day, wherever you are in the world.

Ry

Just to add, that little picture above is a pressie for all my followers to help keep you warm on these winter nights. Or just to gawp at, whatever suits you :D

Dating Disasters - 1

2009-11-30T18:17:00.003Z

OK so I said yesterday that I would start talking about some of my dating disasters and so here is the first. I've been in quite a few awkward situations with guys, and rather than let it get me down like some people do, I usually see the funny side and move on, so with a bit of luck these will make you chuckle until milk runs out of your nose, and it would be great to hear some of yours too.

Ok so this story is short because I didnt stay around for too long, but here goes. About 2 years ago I was out with a friend in a bar and I got chatting to this guy called Russell. He seemed nice enough. He looked a bit unkempt, but in a hot way rather than a scruffy way. He was a student I think, and he seemed to have the attitude of a bit of a tree hugger. Anyways, we arranged to go out later in the week, and exchanged numbers.

A few days later on the 'date' we met outside a bar and then had a couple of drinks. Things seemed to be going well and he asked if I wanted to go and get some food somewhere. We were near china Town so I thought we would end up going there or to some of the nicer places nearby, but as we walked he was telling me about all these different allergies he suffered from and how he can only eat certain foods, and we ended up in McDonalds. To say I was pissed off is an understatement. Dont get me wrong, I have nothing against the place, but when your dressed to impress and out with someone on a date, its not the place to be seen.

Despite his choice of eatery, the night wasnt so bad and I invited him back to mine. we had a few drinks and then went into the bedroom. Things were a bit awkward at first. He undressed me, but was really reluctant to take his own clothes off. After about half an hour I was close to giving up and wanted to ask him to leave, but then he finally got naked and got in bed and things seemed to be back on course.

We had to share a single bed and it wasnt so comfortable, but he was kinda lying on top of me. He started to nuzzle his head into my neck and I thought he was going to kiss it, but then, out of fucking nowhere, he starts purring. FUCKING PURRING!!! I mean full on, from the diaphragm, purring. In the 30 seconds it took me to work out what the hell was going on, he startes nuzzling into my neck again, licking his hand like a cat and griding his dick against my leg.

I asked him what the fuck he was doing, and he just looked at me, still purring, and asked me if I would call him Kitten!!!??! "Kitten?", I questioned, and as I did, he let out a big sigh, pushed himself against me one more time and then shot a load onto my leg!! My reaction was a mix of shock and disgust and it took me less than 5 minutes to have him dressed and out of my flat. I never saw or heard from him again, thank god!

Monday Madness

2009-11-30T14:11:00.002Z

Afternoon everyone, or morning, or evening depending on where you are. Another eventful day today. I worked 5am until 10am and then had time to come home for a shower and had to go off into town. On the last Monday of every month I do some volunteer work at an organisation for gay teens who are having difficulties, and just sit and chat with them for a couple of hours. It's usually pretty rewarding helping them to come out of their shells, but some of them have had a really horrific time.

Most of them have had difficulty coming out and so have run away, or just need someone to talk to. Today I was with a guy called Ste, who I have been speaking with for a little while. He has had a real shitty time lately. He came out to his parents about 2 months ago. He is only 16 and whan he told his parents, his stepdad attacked him and slashed his arm with a knife, so he spent the last 6 or 7 weeks in foster accomodation. He seems to be picking himself up though which is good. He didnt stay very long today, he just wanted to tell me that he had gotten himself an apprenticeship as a carpenter and was moving into a flat with his sister in a few weeks. It's so nice to hear things like that. He is determined not to let things get him down. For such a young guy, his head is completely screwed on. Good for him.

I am having a couple of hours to chill this afternoon, then this evening I will be braving the cold and the great unwashed to go and start my christmas shopping. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! It does my head in though that every year it seems to start a bit earlier. Some of the shops have had xmas songs and decorations up sinse mid september. It does my head in to see it, because by the time it actually comes along I am sick of it. I am going away for christmas this year though, so I need to start my shopping a bit earlier. I tired online shopping last year but half of it didnt turn up until January, so I wont risk it again this year.

Still having issues with the smelly flatmate. I came home last night and there was a dead funny smell and I couldnt find where it was coming from until I went upstairs. I opened his bedroom door, and he had been sick the night before all over the floor, and just gone out and left it. If he was here when I got in I would have rubbed his nose in it, the dirty bastard. I want him to move out now. It's just too much. He got up this morning, wearing yesterdays clothes and off he went in his car. It's rank. No washing, no changing, nothing. It's getting shocking now. I'm starting to gag everytime he comes into the room and telling him that he is a smelly fucker seems to have no effect. I think he thinks I am joking. I need to rally up the others who live here and get them all to sit down with him and have a word.

Ooh, I knew what I was going to ask. What do you get as a christening gift? My friend Cally is having her baby christened next week and I need gift ideas. My mum suggested a little bracelet or something, but I bet everyone will have the same idea. I need something original, so please give me some ideas.

Thats all for now. I have some dancing to do. Can't stop listening to the Sugababes new song. Have a listen for yourselves, it's great. Have happy Monday's everyone :D

About A Girl - Sugababes

Lazy Days And Sundays

2009-11-29T23:08:00.007Z

What a great day it has been today. Last night I was up quite late and I had a few beers, so getting up early this morning wasnt the easiest thing to do, but I had made arrangements with Jay to go over for a duvet day, so I had to drag myself out of bed.

I didnt want to have to get ready and do my hair, so I ended up driving over in my boxers and vest with a pair of trainers. I got one or two funny looks from the neighbours but at that point of the day I didnt care very much. As soon as I got to his house, I climbed right under the duvet and cuddled up. It was heaven!

We stayed in bed just chatting and whatnot(!) until about 2'o'clock and then we had a proper boys day. He made me cook and then we played World Of Warcraft and Assassins Creed for a while. Not my usual idea of a fun day, but he likes it and I enjoyed myself. Then we got back into bed and watched dvd's. I intorduced him to Gavin & Stacey (watch it online if you dont know it, it is brilliant) and he introduced me to Battlestar Galactica, on which I am now hooked. 3 hour pilot though, whats that all about?

We got ourselves a takeaway for dinner. It's my third one this week. I am going to hate myself at the gym tomorrow. Anyways, we ate that and then cuddled in bed for a few more hours until I had to leave. I really wish I could have stayed, but we got about 12 hours, which is better than a kick up the arse. We are off to the cinema on tuesday now, and next weekend we are both off of work, so we are doing the weekend together. Perhaps not my most interesting post ever, but I am a very happy chappy and I wanted to share.

Last night I was chatting with my '#1 Fan', Jack, and promised that I would start documenting my dating disasters. Believe me, there are hundreds, so starting from tomorrow I will be posting my daily dating disasters. Come back and have a read and a mock. I think thats all I have to say for tonight and theres no point talking for the sake of it, so until next time, keep smiling.

Coming out

2009-11-28T11:26:00.004Z

I got way too drunk for my own good last night. I ended up getting wasted on a couple of bottles of wine, removing various items of clothes and then dancing and singing to old reggae songs. It wasn't my finest hour, but I had fun anyway. Paid for it this morning though when I woke up and vommed. Bad times. I woke up to 4 very lovely texts from Jay. He was drunk, but it obviously loosened him up a bit because he was being such a sweetheart. I thought he would go all shy and deny them this morning but he was cool about it and said he meant the things he was saying. Bless!

Anyways, there is a point to today's post. I was chatting with a guy yesterday (you should all check out his blog HERE) and I promised him that I would right my coming out story. And so this is it....

I will try and keep it short and sweet.

I was 15 when I cam out to my mother. I had known all my life that I was gay and it was never one of those things I suddenly had to come to terms with, I just always knew and accepted it. I come from a family made up mainly of men. I have 4 older brothers and so I kinda had a lot to live upto in terms of following them into sports and 'man stuff'. My dad skipped out on us when I was 2 and so I never really bothered with him much, and my mum was both parents and my main role model, and we have always been amazingly close. I would say she is like a best friend to me.

Anyways, I probably would have come out when I was about 13 had it not been for the fact I felt I was letting my brothers down. I had had sexual encounters with guys and knew that that was what I was into, but I always kept it as my secret. One night when I was about 14, me and a friend got drunk on a bottle of whiskey we found at her house. I remember for some reason admitting to her that I was gay. She didn't believe me at first, but then I started telling her some stuff about what I had done and she was soon convinced. I remember how free I felt, telling my best friend and having her not give a damn in the slightest. Once I sobered up the following morning though I was mortified and immediately rung her to say it was only meant to be a joke and I couldnt believe she fell for it. She was having none of it though, and my secret was out for good.

Everything was fine for a few months, I used to confide my stories in her, and she always kept them to herself. We used to go around in group, as kids do, of about 15 or 20 of us. We used to hang around the park or whatever, not causing mischief, just being teens. Anyways, this guy started hanging around with us called David. He was a few years older, as camp as tits and a screaming homosexual. I became fascinated with him for being so out there. Every guy I had ever been with was sharing my closet, so to meet and befriend someone so open with their sexuality was refreshing.

One night we were walking home, just David and I, and we were talking about random stuff when he asked me if I had ever kissed a guy. I lied and said no, and he asked me if I wanted to try it. I said yes, probably a little too eagerly, what with my hormones kicking in, and we stood there in the middle of the street making out. I didnt find him attractive. It wasnt a sex thing at all. To ask me now, I have no idea why I kissed him, but I was 15 and horny I guess, so I did. i went home and thought nothing more of it.

Now, most people come out. I think I was dragged out kicking and screaming. A few days after our kiss, David had told everyone. It's one thing keeping a secret from friends, but I wasnt willing to lie, so when questioned (see: Spanish Inquisition) I admitted that his story was true. Some of the guys didnt believe it at first, others thought it was hysterical, but despite the barrage of questions, not a single one of them said anything negative about it. I realised then how great my friends are, and how much I love and value each and every one.

I knew that with so many people knowing, and living in such a small town as I did, that it wouldnt be long until the rumours would get back to my mum, and I knew I would have to tell her. I left it a couple of days, but I thought I owed her the respect to hear it from me and not someone else.

On the day I decided to tell her, things were pretty shitty. I had had a crap day at school, had rowed with my mother the night before, and was generally just nervous as hell. In what was probably the least smart move of my life up to that point, I managed to get myself a flagon of cider and got wasted before going home that evening. I had two of my friends on standby incase things got ugly, and I went home intent that I wouldnt leave again until my mum knew everything. What I had forgotten however, was that my mum was having a dinner party that evening, that I was supposed to be there for. Her, me, and 8 guests. I genuinly had forgotten, but she thought I missed it on purpose because of our arguement the night before.

As soon as I got through the door she knew I was drunk. She gave me that look that only a mother can give and I knew things werent going to go smoothly. She calmly told me to sit down at the table, but then changed her mind and told me to get upstairs. I have never seen her look so embarrassed. I was falling about everywhere and mumbling rubbish to myself. In the end she lost it a bit and started raising her voice. I started storming up the stairs, banging each step as I went. I heard her shout something to me about being grounded and without even registering what was going on, I stood at the top of the stairs, in full view of everyone and screamed

"You just hate me because I'm gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay"

I barely managed to register her expression before tripping over my own foot and falling down the stairs and passing out drunk against the door. The next thing I remember was being propped against the sofa with my mum staring at me. Everyone had left except for Susan, my mums best friend and I could tell they were waiting for answers. I didnt really know what to say so I started giggling to myself.

From there on out, it all got a bit horrible. My mother gave me the 'I will always love you, but...' speech and I lost it. My mum, the person I was closest to in the whole world, wasnt scooping me in her arms and telling me that everything was going to be alright. We ended up having a blazing arguement and I told her I was leaving. I phoned up my friend and stayed at hers. It was January 11th 2001 and I remember walking through the snow, drunk and crying my eyes out. I cried my eyes out all night.

The following day I went back to my mums and spoke to her soberly. She told me that she wasnt annoyed with me that I was gay, but that I put her in a very awkward situation by telling her in front of everyone else and just expecting her to deal with it, which years later makes more sense than it did then. Things were a bit odd between us for a while. Neither of us knew what to say to the other, and the subject was never raised again until about 3 years later. I spent that whole time thinking that it was because my mother was in denial about it, but when it was brought up again, and I questioned her about it, she told me that it was never an issue for her, so she never felt the need to bring it up for no reason, and sinse I never raised the subject, she thought I didnt want to talk about it. I think sometimes it is easier to just to be open about things and that way wires can't get cross.

I am happy to say that in the end everything worked out brilliantly. Me and my mother are closer than we ever have been and me being gay means nothing more than my eyes being blue. Its a part of who I am, not the whole of who I am.

I suppose the only thing more daunting than telling my mum was having the rugby boys find out. In a very heterosexual sport I thought I would be thrown off the team, but that also went really well. My first day back at training after everyone found out was one of the scariest things of my life. I needn't have worried though. Every single guy on the team was fine about it and when I got to the changing room they had taped the soap to the wall with duct tape and written in shaving foam 'nobody bends over for the soap unless Ryan wins us the game this weekend'. They then continued to wind me up for, well, they still havent stopped.

Where Troubles Melt Like Lemon Drops

2009-11-27T19:19:00.002Z

One of my oldest friends in the world is a girl called Emma. Sinse we started school together 20 years ago, we and another friend, have been inseperable. We tell each other everything and we are all really close.

About three years ago, Emma started dating a guy called Brian. I have known him for a while, and although he is nice enough, he is also a bit of a jerk when it comes to the ladies. He has three kids with three different mothers, and was well known for being a bit of a player. Regardless of this though, Emma fell for him and was convinced she could change his ways.

They got together a week after he finished with his ex (after he found out she was pregnant with baby number 2) and within about 3 months, Emma had also fallen pregnant. Despite our concerns, both me and our third friend, Shane (a girl with a guys name), kept our mouths closed and wished her well. We figured there was no point lecturing her about a circumstance that she was already in, so just supported her and waited for him to do his dissappearing act.

To our surprise, he stuck around and nine months later they had a gorgeous daughter (his third child). Things seemed to be going well for them, but there were whisperings among our friends of him trying it on with anything in a skirt whenever he was on a night out. Again, we kept quiet until we saw it with our own eyes. One night in town he tried it on with Shanes younger sister, as well as the sister of my ex, and countless other girls. We decided it was time to tell Emma, but of course he denied everything and arguements erupted about us being 'jealous and interfering'.

I think deep down she knew we wouldnt lie to her about that, but she wanted to believe he wouldnt do that to her, and so buried her head in the sand. Months went by and we kept hearing stories, and watching him be a bit of a dick to Emma, calling her names and putting her down, but nothing more was said about the subject.

About half hour ago I popped over to Shane's (she lives down the road) and as we were talking on her doorstep we saw Brian, coming out of one of the neighbours houses and having a pash fest with the bird who lived there, on the doorstep. BUSTED! He saw us and pushed her back in the house and shut the door. What a fucking idiot. It's one thing to fuck around, but to be so obvious about it where he knows there is a chance he could be caught is just fucking stupid.

Anyways, now I have got the background out of the way, what I need is advice. Do we tell Emma what has been going on? I don't want to be in a situation where we have an arguement about it, and we only have our word against his, but I hate to see her being treated like this. She is 24 with a young kid and it kills me to know he is doing this to one of my best friends. Should I tell her, or let it run its course. I think whatever happens, Shane and I will be seen as the bad guys. Have any of you been in this situation? I feel kinda stuck.

Random Witterings

2009-11-27T11:27:00.005Z

So, I managed to get about 9 hours of sleep in last night, and I am feeling fresh as a button today. What a random saying that is. Are buttons fresh? I digress... My mood is much better today. Everyone had left the house when I woke up so I had a chance to just relax for a bit. I think my ranting last night got through to at least one of them because when I came downstairs, the house was spotless. Will have to let rip with the temper more often if it gets them cleaning. It has put me in a great mood today though, which is fab.

I was supposed to be going to the gym today but I kinda cant be arsed. My friend, who I took to the gym with me the other day, is nagging me to get off my arse and go with her. I think I have turned her into a little gym bunny. I guess I will see how I feel in an hour or so. God knows why she can't go on her own though. What is it with women? They can't even go to the toilet on their own.

Feeling loads better about Jay today. I know he didnt do anything wrong last night, and I was just being an arsehole, but this morning he has been sending me loads of texts and saying that he missed me and whatnot. It's really nice because he never says things like that. The closest he has got to that is saying things like 'It would be cool if you were here', or something to that effect.

I get the evening off of work tonight because I swapped a shift, which means I now have a long weekend. Good times indeed! My friend is working the circuits as a comedian and has a gig tonight that he wants me to go too. He is actually really good and I know he will make something of himself. I just hate watching him because a lot of his act involves stories about his friends, including me, and it is dead embarrassing when he picks you out of the crowd and you have 400 people staring and laughing at you. I guess I should go support him though.

The weather is shocking today. I want to go and have a look around the christmas market, but I may give it a miss. I go every year and the most I have bought is a crepe, but I like to have a look around anyways. Maybe when the weather is better though. The UK is still being battered. The wind and rain is shocking and it is set to get worse over then next few weeks. It isnt so bad at this end of the country. Some floods, but nothing like the midlands and south. If you havent heard on the news, this will give you a little idea of how bad it has been Clickey Click.

I can't decide what to eat for my dinner. I overdosed on Crunchy Nut Cornflakes when I woke up. I am craving junk food today, but luckily I dont have any in the house or I would be like a bloated old moose by the end of the day. I just want chocolate and crisps and shit like that. Think I will have a soak in the bath to take my mind off of it and relieve the boredom. I will probably end up going to the gym anyways, just to get out of the house for a bit.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!

2009-11-26T22:58:00.006Z

I'm having what can only be described as a tantrum. I am royally fucked off, for no real good reason. I think it is a combination of a lack of sleep mixed with the fact that all I have eaten today is an overly chewy crumpet, and a lack of contact with Jay, and it has turned me into a grumpy little prick.

I fell asleep and missed the cinema. Didnt even cancel, just slept through all the calls and texts, so I woke up in a bad mood because of that, and in pain from sleeping awkwardly in the chair in the living room. I don't think I was asleep for long, two hours maybe, but whenever I sleep in the day for a short time I always wake up like a bear with a sore head.

I went to make myself some dinner because I was starving, and ended up getting even more pissed off when I saw that one of the thieving little twats I live with had cooked and eaten the chicken I had got ready earlier in the day. I ended up going crazy but each and every one of them denied it, like it had gotten up and made a run for it and I was supposed to believe that it was never there in the first place.

Jay is annoying me because he isnt texting as much as I want him too. I know how pathetic that sounds, and on any other day I probably wouldnt give a shit. He hasnt text me any less today than he normally would, but for some reason it just doesnt feel enough. I ain't going to say anything to him though, because I know he hasnt actually done anything to piss me off, I am just being a twat because I am tired and hungry.

I don't know whether or not to go for a run to cool off or to order in a Chinese takeaway and then go to bed. I could probably do with the sleep. The hills will be alive with the sound of music tomorrow, I promise.

Peace out!

Once More, With Feeling

2009-11-26T13:56:00.004Z

Ok, so I didnt take very long between posts today. My lunch got cancelled when I saw the state my housemates had left the kitchen in, so I settled for Crumpets with peanut butter on. WORST. MISTAKE. EVER. Don't try it at home is all I can say. It felt like I had a mouth full of industrial strength glue. Couldnt chew for shit!

My flatmate (the one I dont like) has developed a last minute life and has gone out so I have the house to myself to chillax. And I am doing it in the best possible way. Updating my blogs, listening to the Buffy, Once More, With Feeling Soundtrack (and singing along quite loudly).

It looks like once I am done procrastinating, I will have to clean up the shithole I am forced to live in, because the rest of the people here are incapable it would seem. I usually love cleaning, but I don't love having to pick up after a group of twenty somethings. I aint their mother.

Just to add, I wish all my American and Canadian readers a happy Thanksgiving. I saw a bit of the parade on the news here earlier. At least I think it was part of the parade. Some guy was being interviewed and a load of clowns went past him in the background. Could have just been a clown convention I guess.

Late Nights, Paranormal Activity and Smelly Housemates

2009-11-26T12:14:00.009Z

Well last night was a bit of a washout. I didn't finish training until about 9ish, so by the time I swung by Jay's it was nearing ten and I was fooked! I think he was a bit annoyed with me to be honest because I just kinda flopped myself down on the bed and gave him very little attention. I didnt want the night to end with me catching z's twenty minutes after arriving, so I had a quick shower to relax, which he insisted on watching, and then gave him the attention he was after.

I didn't stay too late, probably until about midnight, but getting out of that bed was probably the hardest thing I had ever had to do. The weather has been so rubbish lately, and it was so warm and comfy being wrapped in those sheets and entwined with him, but I knew if I didnt get home and do at least a couple of hours of sleep, then I would be a zombie today. I think I managed about 4 hours before I had to get up and make myself pretty for work.

I don't know why I ever agree to do extra shifts because they are so boring. I mean really boring! I work in a police station and although I love my job, the extra shifts are always the early morning ones when all the action has already happened and I am left dealing with the paperwork. I suppose it is more money at the end of the month though and it was only a 5 hour shift. The lack of sleep must have been affecting me more than I realised because on the drive home from work I was listening to Listen, that Beyonce song from Dreamgirls and I started crying. What the fuck is that all about?

I am trying to psych myself up to go to the gym this afternoon, but I just cant find the energy to go. I need to do something to get out of the house though. I ham having housemate issues. Five of us live together and although I would count 3 of them as some of my best mates, one of them does my head in beyond belief. He is a bitchy little queen with a Britney obsession who refuses to admit he is gay, despite the fact he munches more cock than anyone I know. I wouldnt mind so much if he just didnt speak, but he is a meddler. He is always up in everyones business, listening in to conversations that don't involve him, and sticking his unwelcome two pennies worth in at every opportunity and it winds me up. Add to that the fact that he is a dirty little fucker and it is enough to drive me mad. He is so messy and untidy and he doesnt wash, so he stinks, and despite me frequently telling him to scrub his pits, he still avoids bathing at all costs, and I think it is rank. I am a hygiene freak, and I dont understand how someone can take such little pride in their appearance. He has a day off of work today and I can't bear to be stuck in the house with him, so I need to occupy myself until the others get home.

Tonight I am meant to be going to see Paranormal Activity at the cinema with some friends. It came out over here yesterday, and I have been dying to see it for months. Have any of you seen it? It seems to have been out everywhere else for ages. I love things to do with ghosts and the supernatural so I think I will enjoy this and the trailer looks really good so I have high expectations. I just hope I stay awake long enough to go, because to be honest as much as I want to see it, I am considering cancelling just so I can get an early night and some shut eye.

Well it's time for some lunch now. I'm thinking boiled potatoes, cous cous and chicken in a tomato and chilli sauce. I love cooking, but lately I have been eating crappy ready meals because I have been so busy. Need to nip that in the bud.

No Rest For The Wicked

2009-11-25T18:36:00.003Z

Busy day today. Spent 2 hours at the gym this afternoon, but decided to walk too and form the gym, so it was an extra hour each way. I won't be doing that again in a hurry!!! I took a friend of mine with me today as well. She had never been to the gym so I thought I would introduce her. I usually like to work out on my own because I don't like the distractions, but she really enjoyed herself and says she will start going regularly which is nice to hear.

Finished at the gym and ruined it all by tucking into a bacon butty. It's all I have eaten today thought, so that is my justification. Don't judge me. Got to get ready for rugby practice now. It doesnt start until half 6, so will drive down to save a bit of time, then off over to Jay's for a couple of hours. I was planning on staying the night but the boss has asked me to go into work tomorrow at 6, which will mean being up at 4.30, and I dont want to wake him when he has work at 9. Have arranged to stay over his at the weekend instead though.

To be honest I could quite happily cancel everything for the evening, have a soak in the bath and then go to bed. Got a headache that I can't shake and I've worked some random shifts lately so my sleep pattern is shot to shit. Better to be busy than sat on my arse doing nothing I suppose.

Anyways, just a quick post for now. I realise it is pretty boring, but hey, indulge me with your commments anyways.

Peace out :D

Homophobia Top Trumps

2009-11-25T10:31:00.003Z

He isn't particularly famous in Britain, but the ripples from Adam Lambert's gay kiss have reached far and wide. It seems to be a subject that has everyone divided. Talking with friends, both gay and straight, I was a bit shocked that it was mostly the gay ones who were complaining about it.

ABC has reportedly received nearly 2000 complaints. Hardly a blip on the radar compared to the half a million complaints received when Janet Jackson got her tit out at the Super Bowl, but enough to warrant the cancellation of Lambert's appearance on Good Morning America, over fears he may make a repeat performance. But is he really that stupid, or does the network just want to disassociate itself with such up front homosexuality?

However ill thought out his actions were, they were done in front of a largely adult audience, at an awards show that was shown in the evening. Whether it was premeditated or not, and despite its bad taste, no laws, either of legality or decency, were broken, so to assume that he would try and do the same thing in a prime time morning slot raises a lot of questions as to if that is the real reason behind his performance axing.

Despite what Lambert probably thought was a tongue in cheek way of bringing homosexuality into the mainstream, I can't help but thinking that he has probably set the whole thing back quite a bit, awaking the dormant homophobia in people who would otherwise not thought twice about watching a gay performer.

The issue with the subject that my friends seemed to have, was not the fact that he was gay, but the fact that what he did was unnecessary and uncomfortable to watch. Nothing to do with him being gay, but being an idiot. When questioned about whether or not they would feel the same if he were straight, the result was an overwhelming yes, with people like Lady Gaga and her bizarre on stage antics being given as an example of some more uncomfortable viewing.

It is all too easy for people to start throwing in the homophobia card, now that a gay person is facing a backlash over their antics, but when all is said and done, I think the majority of people were just uncomfortable with having to view it, just as I am sure they would have been if it were a straight artist up on stage simulating oral sex. That is not to say that a number of the complainants do not have homophobic motives, but on the whole, I think it has just been seen as bad taste.

Regardless of the backlash, Lambert has gotten his desired publicity, and his name is now in the minds of a lot more people than it was before. This, like so many other controversies before it, will be quickly forgotten, and if he can ride out the storm for the next few weeks, he will probably come out of it a lot better off in album sales.

Coffee And Shopping

2009-11-24T13:33:00.004Z

Now that my morning rant is out of the way, I can get on with the fun stuff. It isnt even 2pm and I have had quite an event filled day.

Once I finished at the gym I went for my obligitory Starbucks. I’ve been feeling pretty Christmasy for the last few days, so I ditched my usual Caramel (light) Machiato and instead opted for the Cherry Mocha. I don’t even like cherries, but it had a picture of holly on the cup in the picture, so it was good enough for me. The place was dead because I had beaten the commuters, so I got chatting to the guy serving me while I waited. He said he was new to the area and was asking about where to go, drink, eat etc.

Without thought, I was just stood at the counter sipping my coffee while we talked. He was fit. And when I say fit, I mean DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, FIT AS FUCK!!! He obviously worked out because he had a great boddy that was rippling out of his shirt, and gorgeous smile and seemed genuinly nice and funny. I must have being giving off my ’screaming homo’ vibe, because he casually dropped into the conversation that maybe I could show him around town sometime, and in return he would treat me to dinner. We shared a knowing glance before swapping numbers. A little bit of chit chat later and I then had to leave. He gave me a wink as I left and off I went.

Now, anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that I am in the middle of potentially starting something along the lines of formal dating with someone else, and I aint really one for running two guys at once, but all the same, being chatted up over morning coffee is nice, and put me in a great mood for the day.

I needed a new pair of headphones and the ones I wanted are about £20, so I had to head into town to get them this morning, so once I left the coffee shop, I headed towards the shops. BAD MOVE! I am a nightmare shopper. My friends hate going shopping with me because I will take 4 hours in a each shop. It’s ridiculous. If I know what I need, then I can be in and out in a flash, without distraction, but today, I spotted a sale in All Saints. I swear, I tried to just walk past the shop, but I couldnt do it, so in I went. Just to browse obviously.

An hour later I came out. A fucking hour. I spent nearlu £300 on new clothes when all I wanted was a pair of headphones, which in all the excitement I forgot to get, so by the time I got back to the car and remembered, meant I then had to walk all the way back into town. I made sure this time to keep my head down and not get distracted by any shop windows. I suppose on the plus side, for my £300 I got 3 fantastic pairs of jeans, and a new top. Bargain.

I am starting to think when I need something I should just go online so I wont get distracted by the shiny window displays.

Working Up A Sweat

2009-11-24T12:28:00.007Z

I was up at 6 this morning. I am most mornings to be honest, but for the last few days I have been sleeping in really late until about 10am. Anyway, I got up, showered and strolled off to the gym. By stroll, I mean drove obviously.

The gym that I go too is quite nice. It’s cheap, but it has everything that I need, so I dont see the point in paying over the odds for the sake of going to a posher gym.

The people there are really relaxed, which I like. It isnt full of people walking around with their tops off, not actually working out, just wanting people to look at them, and one of the reasons I like it so much is because as many of you know, a lot of people, specifically gay men I would say, use the gym as a pick up joint. The gym I go too however, is primarily used for working out, which is why I changed from my old gym to that one.

As with anywhere you spend a lot of time, you get to know people, and recognise new faces easily, and over the last few weeks I have come to notice two new people in particular. I assume, though don’t know for sure, that they are a couple. In the changing rooms they are all over each other, and I am sure I walked in on them getting it on one time, though I wasnt paying too much attention so I couldnt say for sure.

The thing is though, as into each other as they seem to be, they are also quite openly checking everyone else out too. I have seen them at the gym maybe ten times in the last 3 weeks, but of all those times, I have seen them actually using the machines maybe a total of twice. The rest of the time they just seem to stay in the changing rooms.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am by no means a prude, but surely there is a time and a place. I have been going to various gyms for years, and I have seen a lot of goings on, but the flirting and staring and occasional sexy shenanigans usually happen when people have actually used the gym, rather than just going there for the pick up. These two guys blatently sit there and stare at people getting changed or showering and more than once I have heard them making comments about mens dicks, to guys I know who are straight and wouldnt appreciate it.

Writing this I feel like a grumpy old man. I am all for a bit of fun and flirting and messing around, but these guys are giving the place a bad rep, and I know there has been complaints. Most of the guys who use the gym are straight, and though they know I am not, that has never been an issue. What concerns me is that the few gay people who do use the place, myself included, will get tarnished with the same brush.

Is it so important to pick guys up/ spice up your sex life etc, that you would go to the effort of signing up and paying for the gym, only to use it for what is as good as cottaging? This is Manchester. For those of you who haven’t been here, or are unfamiliar with the place, it is like a gay mecca. It is where the original Queer as Folk was set, has nearly 100 gay bars and clubs, and countless saunas, sex shops, fetich clubs and pick up joints, so why do this at the gym? This isn’t a case of two people meeting at the gym and getting it on, it is two people going to the gym to hunt for sex.

Maybe I am just out of the loop on things. Is this normal? Am I just being a moody old arse? Part of me thinks I should live and let live, but the other part of me thinks that I should be able to go to the gym and get changed or take a piss without being perved on. I am more than aware that in those situations there are always stolen glances. I have done it myself, but there is a massive difference, surely?

I am interested to hear what other people think of this. Do you think I am being overly picky, or should it be kept for places more relevent?

.....I Went Back

2009-11-23T22:17:00.007Z

A couple of days ago I told about the dilemma I was having, deciding whether to or not to let things progress with a guy who did me over in the past. This is the post in question.

Anyways, After writing it all out and going over it, listening to what others said and thinking harder about what I wanted, I decided to drop him a text and arranged to meet up with him tonight once he finished work. We were going to do what was planned for yesterday, food and drinks, but in the end we got on a tram and just went straight back to his.

The atmosphere between us was fine and we were laughing and talking and flirting, but when he tried to kiss me a pulled away and told him that we needed to talk. I explained to him my reservations about the situation and told him I wanted him to talk to me about stuff. To most of you that would probably seem like an ordinary request, but he is very much a man of few words, only ever saying the words that need to be spoken, and keeping his emotions and feelings to a minimum. It took a while to get him to open up, but in the end we had a really good discussion and the air between us was cleared.

Once all that was out of the way we got down to the good stuff. No not sex you dirty bastards. We played World Of Warcraft...... Then we had sex afterwards. This time though it was different. It wasnt frenzied like it normally was, but it was slow and passionate and he was more affectionate and passionate than I had ever known him to be.

He asked me to stay the night, but I couldnt. I wasn't making excuses, I really had to leave, but I genuinly wanted to stay. I could have stayed curled up in that bed with him all night. We have however, made plans for this coming Wednesday, and Sunday.

Letting go of 'rules' I have lived by for a long time isn't easy, but what it definately is, is liberating. Part of me feels like I am rebelling against myself, but I feel like I am doing the right thing. Someone said to me the other day that you should regret the things you do, not the things you don't, and I have a feeling that I won't be regretting this.

One is very happy :D

Why Weight?

2009-11-23T11:06:00.003Z

I like to think that I follow my own rules and conventions. Unlike most of my friends, both gay and straight, I dont strive to conform to fit in any boxes set by society. I find it hard enough being comfortable in my own skin, without the added pressure of living up to everyone else's expectations as well. Lately however, I have been feeling an enormous pressure to lose weight. In the gay community (at least where I live), there has been an 'Attack Of The Clones' where everyone seems to look 15 years old with a barely there waistline and a perma tan.

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means overweight. I have a 34" waist, I am 6ft5" tall and I weigh a little under 15st. I play rugby and I am at the gym at least 3 times a week. I have a pretty healthy lifestyle and in general I dont look too shabby. I have an individual style and I make the most of what I have, but the more I go out and see these 'clones', the more I feel like the odd one out, and if truth be told, it is starting to feel uncomfortable.

It is an age old tale that within the gay community you have a limited shelf life. So many people feel like they are over it or past it by the time they hit 25, and the ones who don't seem to be doing everything in their power to look like 18 year olds again. When I have spoken to friends about this, they have told me that it is a minority, but after a little digging it seems that male anorexia is predominantly made up of gay men, and it is also on the rise. Is it really worth risking your health to fit in and look the part?

The fault, I believe, lies within the gay community itself. While they sit and argue that they should not be put in boxes by the community at large, they are all too quick to label and catagorise themselves. Is it ok to just be gay anymore? Do we have to be a twink, a scally a bear or a queen? And if we do, where do I fit in? I am too old and not skinny enough to be a twink. Not camp enough to be a queen. Too well behaved and dressed to be a scally, and not big and hairy enough to be a bear. Is there a place for me if I refuse to put myself in a box?

The problem is, whether we like it or not, we all conform in the end. We don't have to like it, but it happens anyway. I started this post thinking about how I needed to lose weight, not for health reasons, but so that I could feel more like I was part of the crowd, and the more I write, the more I realise that if I become more like everyone else, I become less like myself. The world strives on diversity. I have never been short of attention from men, and by looking like everyone else, what will I have that is different to interest anyone anymore?

Is suppose in the end it all comes down to being comfortable with yourself. If you strive to look a certain way to make yourself feel better then you should go for it as long as it doesnt affect your health. But if you are trying to look a certain way just to fit in, maybe you need to sit back and think about whether or not it will make you happy. At the end of the day, we all want people to like us for who we are, not how we look. My mum always told me you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you, and I think shes right. Maybe I will give the gym a miss today.

Heading For Queer Hell

2009-11-22T19:28:00.003Z

I was raised in a Catholic family. We weren't overtly religious, but it was more of a background thing. Nowadays I wouldnt say I was particularly religious, but I have my faith and I am proud of it. Obviously, in the eyes of my religion, I live in sin, but my friends and family don't have an issue with my 'sinning' and so I don't much care about the opinions of others who my life neither touches, nor affects.

This evening I had to run out to the shop for something, and the quickest way to get there without the car was through the city's gay district. Half way through my journey I was stopped by a women who looked to be in her 40's. Anyone who has spent any time on the streets of Manchester knows that you can't go more than a few feet without being stopped by a tramp, charity worker, god botherer etc, but I stopped and spoke to her nonetheless. She asked my what I was doing in the area, so I told her, and then she asked if I was one of 'them gays' to which I said yes.

Now, I am pretty tolerant of people's views and opinions. After all, they are entitled to them, as I am my own, right? Anyway, the woman proceeded to hand me leaflets about the catholic church, with headings such as 'return to the fold' and 'Don't ruin your life with homosexuality', with statements from 'ex gays' who had realised that they didnt need to rebel by being gay anymore etc.

More out of curiosity than politeness, I listened as she told me that I was on the path to hell and that Jesus was willing to accept me back into his heart as soon as I was ready to become 'normal' and admit my sins.

In a strange way I kind of understood where she was coming from. I mean, I don't agree with her views, but I understand why she does. What got me thinking was though, was the number of people out there who preach and feel the need to stick their noses in where it doesnt belong. It was a wierd experience because I have never really come up against any personal religious opposition or homophobia, so to witness someones small mindedness for myself.

What I can't believe is that the catholic church, with all of its history and a magnificent drop in its followers, is still peddling this bullshit to its congregation, who in turn feel the need to peddle this shit on to me. Raising children to be filled with hatred is something no religion should be proud of. I am not from a particularly religious area, so this kind of thing doesnt get seen too often, but it makes me feel for the people who have to put up with listening to this shit on a daily basis. Is this something that has happened to any of you?

As I said, I have my own faith and if there is a heaven, then what with me being made in God's image, and old Jesus dying for my sins, I am pretty sure I will get a room with a view. I didn't choose to be gay, but I wouldnt have it any other way. I happen to really like my life and I am proud of who I am. I know my family is too, and that is all that really matters anyway, right?

Thank you

2009-11-22T19:25:00.003Z

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to the guys over at Queers United for allowing me to have a mention on their page. Go check them out their blog at...

Queers United

Should We Ever Go Back?

2009-11-22T15:09:00.006Z

Someone told me once that you should only ever give a man one chance to screw things up. Nobody is so important that you should let them get away with walking all over you. It was something that I took very seriously, and for better or worse, applied to all my 'relationships'. In a way, I suppose that my attitude stopped me from getting myself into a serious relationship, and getting my feelings hurt as a result. Previous bad experiences with love also made me think twice about letting my guard down with new people who showed an interest, and I was instead quite happy doing the no strings sex thing.

Last year, around October time, I did the unthinkable and fell head over heels for a guy, who we shall call Jay, for the sake of this story. There was just something about him that made me go weak at the knees, and I got butterfly's everytime I saw him. I know, 'yuck' right? He was 2 years younger than me, but more mature than anyone I had ever dated. He had all these little idiosyncrasies that on anyone else would make him seem like a crazy person, but on him just added to the list of things I was starting to love about him.

After spending quite a lot of time with each other, he started to go a bit cold on me. His explanation was that he was still trying to work out what he wanted and whatnot. I was patient because I understood where he was coming from, but within a few days, without explanation he stopped taking my calls and texts, and so despite my feelings I cut off all ties.

In the months that followed, I got a few random texts from him, asking how I was and if I fancied going for a drink and I more or less ignored them all, figuring he had blown his chance, and it was time to move on. After not hearing from him in about 5 months, about 3 weeks ago he sent me a message out of the blue asking how I was. I was feeling at a bit of a low point and so I decided to reply and arranged to meet up for a drink with him that night.

Within a few minutes of being around him again, A lot of the old feelings started coming back, and by the end of the night we were at his house having sex. I didnt plan it, and I wasnt even sure if I was doing it because I wanted too, or because right there and then, I needed someone, and he was there. I started questioning whether I was acting any better than he had months before, and whether I was in a position to judge. One thing was for sure though, that I didnt expect to be hearing from him again for a long while.

True to form, the next few days went by without hardly a word. The plans we made to see each other again got cancelled (by him), and I was kicking myself for being in the same place I was a year ago. Only this time I had put myself there. Despite feeling stubborn about the situation, I still found myself waiting for my phone to ring. The next time I heard from him was a drunken 4am phonecall about a week later asking if he could come over. I told him to fuck off and hung up, finally deciding that we should NEVER go back.

Against my better judgement, and with my brain being overuled by my crotch, I decided to meet up again with him and after a couple of bottles of wine, we ended up back in bed together. This time though things were different. He asked me to stay the following morning when I said I needed to go, and he told me he was sorry for all the things that had happened between us before, and he knew now what he wanted, and that was for us to try and make a go of things. Part of me was really happy, but part of me was only there for the sex. Had I become the type of man I spent my life trying to avoid? Should I have gone back?

Today we were supposed to be going out for sushi in a nice Japanese place called Wasabi. I was kind of looking forward to it, but at the same time knew that if I went i was going to go for all the wrong reasons. Anyways, this morning I sent him a text making up an excuse, and cancelled. He is eager to rearrange the date, but I dont know if it is a good idea. I like him, but I think I am holding back on any sort of commitment, even in a tiny form, because I dont want to be in the place I was last time. I feel awful, and realise I am being a bit of a dickhead with my actions, but I genuinly dont know what I want, or what I should do. Should we ever go back? Well I guess that is up to you, but I say you should tread with care and take a bin bag with you to pick up the pieces when it all gets messy.

Pulling A Moon-y

2009-11-21T16:28:00.003Z

Saturdays are not generally a quiet time for me. The afternoons are usually spent with friends, shopping, coffee drinking, and putting the world to rights. And not always in that order. Once that is out of the way, I concentrate on getting myself ready for a night out on the town. I am not ashamed to admit that by the time I shower, decide what I am wearing, do my hair etc, about 4 hours and a couple of glasses of plonk have passed me by. Then it is on to town to dance, drink and flirt the night away before innevitably doing the walk of shame back to my house sometime Sunday morning.

Today things were different. A knee injury playing rugby earlier in the week means there was no coffee and shopping, no preparing for a wild night out and no drunken antics to be had. That's not so bad I guess, but what is worrying me is that my flatmate is now nagging me to go to the cinema. 'What's wrong with that?' I hear you say. Well she wants to go and see.... New Moon!

Appealing as the above image is, it still isn't enough to make me consider going. I just don't get the fuss. Did I miss something? I am starting to believe that I could be the last person breathing who hasn't seen the film or read the books, and I kinda pride myself on it. The Robert Pattinson guy that everyone seems to be swooning over looks like he needs a good soak in the bath, and the premise of the story itself sounds a bit shit. Don't get me wrong, I love a good vampire story. But give me David Boreanaz and a Buffy boxset any day of the week.

A Clean Slate

2009-11-21T13:42:00.000Z

Well I guess I should start with hello.

Hello.

Right, now that that part is over with, we can start with the good stuff. This is the first post on my brand new blog. As of yet, I am talking to nobody in particular. I have no friends or followers to aim this towards, so I feel a little bit of a loon writing it. I am quite a successful online blogger, but I have decided to go out on a limb and start this blog with a completely clean slate. There is no mention of this blog on any others that I write. I intend to grow a brand new audience and start to build from the ground up. A nice little challenge don’t you think?

I hope to be able to relate to anyone who reads this, but I suppose that my audience will mainly be made up of the gay community. As I said in my about me section, I haven’t personally seen any others like this, and think there is a lack of personalised information out there about what it is like to be a young gay man in the big wide world. I know it is very ‘Sex And The City-ish’, but I hope to be able to make my posts current, edgy and informative, keeping you all up to date on my life and lifestyle. I look forward to the feedback from everyone and hope to make this a successful and worthwhile blog.

Now, to get my first follower….

Peace out