Forgive Me Readers, For I Have Sinned

It has been 8 months sinse my last blog update.

I sort of feel like I need a reintroduction. It has been so long sinse I last blogged that people have probably either forgotten who I am and what this blog is about or have plain just abandoned following it alltogether. This will pretty much be a small post to dip my toes back in the water and then more will come again if anyone still reads.

For those of you who are new to the blog or have forgotten me (I shall try not to cry) it all started out detailing my single life in the city and then sort of documented my meeting and falling in love with Jay, eventually moving in together and whatnot. For those who have stuck around, Jay and I are still together and very happy. It's been over 18 months now and it's all great. I am still in the force too and hoping for a promotion to Sgt sometime soon.

The world trip we had planned got cancelled because the agency went bust, but luckily we were able to get all of our money back and we rebooked. We were due to be leaving in about 2 weeks, but we took the opportunity of the cancellation to rebook for an earlier date and so we went in March and got back about a week ago. I shall talk loads about it in later posts and bore you all with hundreds of pictures. We ended up cutting Europe out completely and will do that at a later date and so we only ended up going to Agra, Singapore, Bangkok, Tokyo, Phuket, Sydney, Melbourne, Aukland, Fiji, Chile, Los Angeles and New York. I say 'only' like we were losing out, but I just mean that it was cut down considerably from the amount of places originally planned. We were lucky to catch some amazing weather though. It was absolutely amazing and we met some fantastic people along the way too which is a bonus. I also managed to get through the whole thing with only one minor injury too, which is sort of a miracle. If you have read my blog in the past you will know how injury prone I am.

Today I am back to work. It is going to be sooooo weird. Its currently just past 2am and I start at 4. I've been keeping the lads at the station updated though so it's not like I was totally isolated from everyone I work with for the whole time. It felt awesome to put my uniform on again tonight though. I can't wait to get back on the job.

Jay as fast asleep in bed at the moment. I had some extra time before my shift and it dawned on me that I havent updated this thing for a while. Anyway, I will leave you with a picture of my back in Fiji. I'm not trying to be mysterious or anything, it was just the first photo in the folder on my computer and I hate having a blog post with no picture.


Until next time guys :)

(and I promise it will be this week, not in 8 months. I'll also sort the white void at the top of the page out)

Whatever Happened To...

Well hello there handsome folks. It has been way too long, hasnt it?

Lots of stuff going on (though little of actual interest) and as a result this thing just sort of fell off the radar. Tomorrow I am going on holiday, so there wont be another update for a little while again, but while I am here I should tell you all what has been happening.

Well the klutz in me is still alove and well and in the last two months I have broken my wrist again. I swear to god I need to get some sort of bionic implant to make it not keep snapping. Ive got this support thing strapped to it now, but it isnt in a cast anymore which is good.

Things with me and Jay are still amazing. Not much to update in that department really. Work is the same as ever, though I am officially off my training now and am a complete officer. Yay me. The last few days I have been covering the Labour conference thing going on in Manchester. I even managed to get my chops on the news while I was hanging around in the background looking menacing.

Preparations for holidays are still underway. Got lots of new things even though it is still ages away. I am however still shopping crazy and doing lots of spree's in preparation for Christmas. Ooh I cant wait for that to come around again. Jay and I are doing it together at our place this year for the first time. Last year we were both at our families and didnt see each other as we were a few hundred miles apart so this year I am playing ultimate housewife and everything has to be perfect. Im nearly done with it now though. Im soooo organised this year :)

Other than that I cant really think of anything else exciting to report. There is loads of boring shit I could update with, but where is the fun in that?

Hope all of you are well and will read this. Until next time....

Ry

Detoxing With A Sore Arse

Sunday mornings. No matter how much I try, I can never have a lie in. I think I am so used to waking up early that I subconciously just wake myself up. This morning I was awake at 7.15. It wouldnt be so bad, but there is nothing on the tv, nothing to do, and I couldnt wake Jay for love nor money. He is up now though and making a full english breakfast for us. You can't moan about that.

So again I have been quiet for a while. Two reasons for this. Firstly, a good friend of mine died and it knocked me for six. It hit me a lot harder than I imagined something like that would and I withdrew within myself for a while. Aswell as that, I have been having issues with my internet, and so had to go without it for nearly two weeks.

I have been really pushing it at the gym for the last few days. I think perhaps I have been releasing some pent up agression or something. I dont know, but I have been doing about 15 hours this week, and I usually do about 8, so I have increased it a lot. On Wednesday, I was overdoing it on the rowing machine, trying to keep besting myself and I ended up sliping off the seat and coming down on the bar that runs along the middle. As a result I have a massive bruise on my butt cheek and a bit of a sore arse. I gues I should just be thankful that I didnt bash my balls.

I have quit drinking alcohol for a while aswell. I never really overdo it with the stuff, and I dont drink that often, but I was just sick of waking up after a heavy night feeling like I had been hit by a bus. I can't deal with hangovers like I used to when I was younger. I think perhaps a month of detox should do the body good.

I am attending my first lebian civil wedding thingy next week. Should be a laugh. My friend Jo (who is absolutely insane) is getting hitched to an American (who is equally as insane). They keep joking that they are going to turn up in suits, but I think (and hope) they will wear something a bit more fem. Women in suits just dont look right. Or is it just me that thinks that? Neither of them are particularly butch, so I hope they dont try making a big statement about it.

Right, it is time for me to go eat. Sausage, eggs, bacon, beans, hash browns, black pudding, toast, mushrooms and tea. Another 5 hours in the gym will be required after this grease fest.

Hope all of y'all are well. I will get some commentage in today on your blogs. Hae a good Sunday all of you.

Ry

The Big 5 0

Woohoo my 50th blog post. The first one seems like a million ago. Probably because the time between posts seems to be getting bigger but I have been a busy boy of late. i feel I should mark this post with something special, but nothing is coming to mind. Any ideas? Let me know if there is anything you want to see in the next blog and I will get too it. I am counting on your imaginations being more inventive than mine here. We can't all be stupid together.

So what have I been upto? Hmm, well I have just completed three days working at BBC Northwest. I was kind of just there for show really, but it was wicked fun. A colleague and myself were asked to go to act as advisors for a new show being filmed. The guy I was with did all the advising, while I went star hunting. They were a great bunch of people though, and a very random experience was had, but it was a good few days.



So who is watching Glee at the moment? That Madonna episode was pretty brilliant wasnt it? Loved Sue doing Vogue. And Of Course Doctor Who is back on as well. Matt Smith is the best Doctor since Patrick Troughton. All this tv is tunring me into a couch potato.

Jay and I have booked some tickets to go and see Paloma Faith next month. Have I told you all this already? Well anyways, we havem and I can't wait. Her album, if you haven't heard it already, is fantastic. Go download it. This guy demands it:

I chose this guy because he weirdly looks a lot like Jay, except Jay has lighter hair and less of a tan :D

I have arranged to go back to my rugby training the week after next. After all the injuries and downtime I think half of the guys have forgotten who I am, but it will be great to get back to the game. Since the car crash and the first wrist break, I have got a lot of catching up to do. Jay is winding me up saying I am getting a podgy belly so I have to get back to full training on the pitch and in the gym. He is just bitter because I am making him flabby though.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I can't stop baking cakes. In a manly way of course :P But yea, I am feeding him up with treats and that's never good. I will end up on a documentary if this keeps up, about people who feed their partners. I'm not trying to make him fat obviously, and he is still a skinny little runt, but I wouldnt care how he looked. Come on, big awww!!

We are off to see Kick Ass tomorrow. Have any of you seen it? Is it any good? I can't say I am particularly fussed, but Jay is dead excited to see it. We went to watch Clash Of The Titans last week, and that was pretty good. It was a bit slow in parts, but overall pretty good. And who can moan at Sam Worthington and his abs eh?

Right, on that note I am going to bring this one to a close. Jay is doing overtime today and I promised I would have dinner ready for when he comes home. Nothing fancy, just pork chops, carrots and croquettes. If he is lucky he might get some gravy too. Just call me Gordon Ramsey. No, on second thoughts....

Ry

The Money Tree

Hello everyone. It has been a while, but I am back to blogging now.

We left off just before the dinner party. Well, that went down a storm. Everyone commented on how great the food was, so the nerves were unnecessary. It was really good catching up with everyone that I havent been able to spend so much time with lately, and we all ended up very drunk and had a massive orgy. Well no, we didnt really, but we did all end up very drunk and a great time. Some of my friends decided to embarrass me by recounting tales to Jay, of when I was younger. Oh the shame.

Some of my friends who came had still to meet Jay, and some of his friends hadn't yet met me, but everyone got along really well, and so now everyone is nagging for us to do it again. Perhaps we can make it a monthly thing or something?

I seem to be leaking money all over the place this week. Don't you hate it when loads of bills come at once? Over the last seven days or so, every bill imaginable seems to have been put in my postbox. I will selling copies of the big issue at this rate. Then last week I spilled a bowl of water on my laptop, so that was fucked (hence the lack of blogging), so I went out this morning and bought a new one. I wouldnt have minded so much, but I only had the last one since christmas, so that was money that didnt need to be spent. I should have got insurance on it I guess, so it's my own fault. I just got the same one as before so it only set me back about £500. And I got insurance this time.

The weather has been fab for the last few days, so inbetween shifts I have been taking full advantage and getting my pasty white pins out for a bit of a tan. I drove Jay and I to Blackpool at the weekend and we just chilled out on the beach for a while and ate chips. It's been ages since I went last but it was nice getting out of the city for a while, and even nicer not having to work while we had a few days of sun.

I have been invited back to my old place this week for a catchup with everyone. Smelly Gav won't be there, so it may be worth a drive, because I havent seen too much of the others since I left. I went shopping with one of the girls one day last week and she said that the house is still a shithole and everyone has pretty much given up trying to keep on top of it, since the two guys just keep making it a mess again. I don't miss the hassle at all.

Right, I am off to see what everyone has been blogging about for the last week, so until next time folks.....

Ry

Round Round Baby, Round Round, Spinning Out On Me

Happy Saturday bloggers. I am full of the joys of spring today. I have had a couple of shitty days but today I have woken up with a spring in my step. I don't know why, but I won't complain.

I went on a shopping spree this morning. It's been too bloody long since I treated myself to new clothes and whatnot so that cheered me up aswell. I got myself a couple new tops and shoes and some jeans and some CD's. So now I think I should listen to my new tunes, while trying on my new clothes, then go out drinking tonight. I planned on a quiet one tonight but my mate Gordan rang and asked me to go for a few bevs, and I aint seen him in an age, so I figured I should go.

I went for a few drinks last night but I went easy because I couldnt face a hangover this morning. I ended up getting into an arguement with a doorman because he wouldnt let me in to a club with the cast on my arm. He said it shows I am 'trouble'. If it was anyone else I probably would have laughed, but it really annoyed me. Other than that though it was a nice night.

I finally got my new car this week, which is awesome. I got the new Citroen C3 in black. It is one of the smoothest cars I have ever driven. If this one gets bumped or bashed I am just going to invest in a mobility scooter.

I am holding my first proper dinner party this week. I feel so grown up. I have cooked for friends before, but this week we are going all formal. Jay and I are having 8 friends over and I am sstuck with cooking 3 courses. Well, not stuck. I guess its unfair to say it that way. I volunteered. Jay can't help because he is an idiot in the kitchen. I swear he could burn water. I have tried teaching him to cook but he just can't grasp it. Either that or he is faking so that I will do all the cooking.

I have no idea what to make yet except for dessert. I make a fab banoffee pie, so I shall be making a heap of that. For a starter I figured maybe I would try something like soup, because it is easy and everyone likes soup. Or maybe prawn cocktail? But then I would have to handle fish products and I would probably pass out. Massive phobia. I have to think of something or I will end up just handing out packs of crisps.

For the main I was thinking Cous Cous with morrocan spices, sautee potatoes with rosemary and garlic and diced lamb in a tomato and chilli sauce. I've made that before so I know it's a safe option and it tastes amazing. Would you eat that? Does it sound ok? Failing that I shall order a chinese, hide the cartons and pass it off as my own.

Right, thats all for today. I have clothes to try on and then I have to head to pick Shane up from the train station. Have a good weekend guys.

Ry

A Comeback Of Sorts

It feels like I havent been around here for months. In reality I think it has actually been about ten days or so but it feels much, much longer. I have been so busy though. I havent even had a chance to come and read anything, let alone post anything, so I thought I would make up for it today.

The holiday is coming together nicely. New Zealand is in, Melbourne is cut shorter. We have started saving and putting in extra in the gym. Well I say we, Jay hates the gym so mainly it is me. It is a year away, but I want to start packing and getting things ready. I am sooo excited. We also decided on where to go this year. Once again it ended up being somewhere we hadnt planned on, so we are off to Kenya for two weeks in July. I can't wait for that either. We are going to do a safari in this enormous widlife sanctuary thing. Lions and tigers and.... elephants? Oh my!

We went to watch Alice In Wonderland last week. Not really sure how I felt about it though to be honest. I enjoyed it, but it was perhaps a bit too Burtonesque. And Johnny Depp was weird in it. Do they know how to make movies without each other? Some bits of it though were fantastic. I think one of the reasons I didnt get into it so much was because the cinema was packed out and we were stuck right down the front, staring up at the screen throughout the whole thing, with these massive glasses on. The 3D-ness could have been better too. Oh, I think I am just being a moaner now!

I had a whole weekend off this past weekend which was brilliant. Jay and I went out on Saturday, ended up drinking several bottles of wine and getting really drunk. We havent had a chance to do that for so long and it was really nice just sitting in the bar talking and getting tipsy. We went afterwards and got two of the biggest pizza's I have ever seen. Jay ate his and then half of mine. For someone so slim, I dont know anyone who can eat as much as him. It makes me sick.

I think I am going to start decorating this week. Well, I still have my cast on so I don't know how much I will be able to do, but I feel like the apartment needs brightening up, so I think I will give the place a lick of paint and maybe go get some new cushions and stuff. Ooh how gay.

Well that's it for today. I am waffling and it is boring.

Ry

The Hardest Day Of My Life

Yesterday was one of the most emotionally charged days of my life, as well as the hardest day at work I have ever had. Luckily I have today off to recover, but yesterday I felt as though the life had been sucked out of me.

I can't go in to too much detail for various reasons, but yesterday I was paired up with a long serving officer as part of my ongoing training, and had to accompany her throughout the shift. The day started out with us being called to a domestic, where we found a woman huddled in the corner of her bathroom, beaten so severely she could barely see through puffed up eyes. Her husband had come home from work and bashed her around for whatever reason, and then tried saying she had tripped over something and fallen down the stairs.

We see things like this all the time, but the hardest thing in the world, like in this case, is to keep your mouth shut when the woman just smiles, says she is clumsy and it was all her fault for not watching where she was going, and you have to just leave without doing anything. The anger and frustration overwhelms you but you just can't say anything. Some of the guys have said that that feeling goes and you just stop feeling pity for people who won't even help themselves, but I don't want to get like that because it bothers me. It will always bother me seeing these people. That's why I have always wanted to do this job. So that I can try to help people.

A little later in the day we had to explain to a woman in her 80's, how her husband of over 60 years had been killed in an RTA. In perhaps a moment of disbelief she offered us both a cup of tea and some biscuits before sitting down and saying how she doesn't know a life without him and asking us what she was supposed to do now. She looked so frail and lonely. The horrible thing was that all we could do was offer to take her to the hospital.

An hour before the end of my shift, and the worst thing I have ever had to do in my entire life, we had to go and tell a women that her seven year old daughter had been knocked down in a hit and run and that she had died at the scene. The womans sobs broke my heart and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom where I cried. Only for a moment, because we are trained not to. Not to let it get to us. Not to take it home. But just for a moment I couldnt help it. At the end of that shift I don't think I had ever been so happy to take my uniform off.

Jay was wonderful when I got home, and he managed, as always, to cheer me up. But I think the events of yesterday will stay with me for a long time to come. I know things in the job will get harder, and perhaps my outlook to it will become harder as a result. It's one of the cons of the job I guess. I guess I just didn't realise quite how emotional it can all be.

Ry

Ryan O: Coming To A City Near You

It's no secret that I have had a bit of a shitty month. It all got a bit too much so I did something potentially really stupid. I booked a holiday. Well I actually booked two, but I will be taking them at the same time, so its kinda just one holiday. Jay is coming with me as well obviously. We talked about different places we wanted to go to, as I have mentioned before, but couldnt really decide on anywhere. Anyways, I am waffling. You all want to know where I am going right? Ok so here goes.

Part one of the holiday is a bit of a backpack/inter-rail thingy. Its spread over 40 days and will be taking in some of the big european cities. I like history, so some of the places got on the list for historical value, others got on because I just havent been there before. Anyways, the first leg goes like this.

Start from
Manchester (UK) fly to
Lisbon (Portugal) rail to
Madrid (Spain) rail to
Marseille (France) rail to
Rome (Italy) fly to
Athens (Greece) coach via
Albania
Macedonia and
Bulgaria onto
Bucharest (Romania) train to
Budapest (Hungary) train to
Salzburg (Austria) train to
Berlin (Germany) train to
Copenhagen (Denmark) train then boat then coach to
Stockholm (Sweden) fly to
London (UK)

So thats part one of the holiday and then from london we move on to the second part. After 2 days in London we then fly to

Hong Kong, spend five days there before flying to
Shanghai, Another four days there before flying to
Melbourne for two days then travelling from there to
Sydney, spending a week there before flying to
San Francisco and spending four days there, then flying to
Los Angeles and staying there for a week before heading to
London, and then flying from there home to
Manchester

The whole thing is costing a fair few bucks I must admit, and will take around 70 days in total, but I figure it is something I have wanted to do for such a long time, and I might as well do it now while I am financially able to and young enough to enjoy it. Its booked for the first week of July 2011, so although it is all paid for, it gives me another 15 months to save up and have loads of spending money. I spoke to work and told them I will be needing 3 months off, which they have ok'd since it is so far in advance, which is awesome. Jay is finding out today if they will be cool with it where he works, but it shouldnt be a problem and even if it is, then tough, it's paid for now.

As for this year, I think we are going to do a week or two in Cyprus during the summer. Neither of us have been, and I have heard good things about it, and we dont want to spend too much money, or go somewhere where we will be going next year, so Cyprus is jumping out at us. Or possibly Crete. Who knows. We have a few more weeks before we have to make a deffinate decision.

(Randomly, Jay has just text saying he wants to go to Borneo. I'm not 100% sure where that even is. Isn't it near India?)

Anyways, the point of all this, is that after a few really shitty weeks, I have cheered up no end, and Jay and I have something amazing to look forward too. You never know, maybe we will bump in to some of you on our travels.

Have a good week guys.

Ry

The 2010 Career Conundrum

I love my job. I really do. It has its fair share of ups and downs, and I get bashed around a bit, but on the whole, I am doing what I have wanted to do for my entire life. This year, my 'official training' comes to an end and I will be a fully fledged PC, but yesterday I resigned. Twice.

I have had some time off due to the crash, and my first day back at work was Wednesday. In the time I have had off, a new seargent was promoted. She was off on Wednesday, so I didnt get to meet her, but from what a couple of the guys were saying, she has been drafted in from a different constab, and she has dragged her bad attitude with her, pissing off half of the force within her first few days.

On Thursday, I got into work and she was there already. I had barely got changed when she took me to one side, demanded to know why I had so long off from work, and asked me how I felt about 'being paid for mickey taking absences, over minor injuries'. Now, I dont take well to being pulled up on something that has no connection to her, and was dealt with before she even transfered, and when I told her that if she wanted reasons she could check my file, and that I would be speaking to the Inspector (her superior) about her attitude, she tried passing it off as bad sarcasm on her part, and asked me to keep it to myself.

I decided, although I knew she was full of shit, to leave it go by and get on with my work. About an hour or so later, I was taling to her about some arrest forms, and explained that the name on one was wrong. Because she was dealing with it, I couldnt ammend it myself, and obviously because we dont want to be prosecuting the wrong people, putting the right information on the forms is paramount. She argued with me for over 15 minutes about how she doesnt make mistakes, and refused point blank to double check the sheets.

When she finally gave in and checked them, and saw the mistake, she came right up in my face, saying 'Are you happy now Ryan? Is it so important to make me look stupid? I've put it right now'. I just responded with, 'Was it wrong though?' and she went bananas, started screaming at me in front of a room full of officers about how shitty my attitude is and if the only reason I come to work is to undermine her in 'her' station, then she will see to it that I won't be coming there for much longer, before dragging me into one of the interview rooms for another grilling.

Steve, the Inspector on duty who overheard everything followed us in and it all went to shit. This girl is a jumped up, silly little bitch who has let a bit of power get to her head. She is younger than me, which just made me even more pissed. I know it shouldnt, but you hear about this at work all the time. From what we have found out from former colleagues of hers, she got her promotion through brown nosing, and when it comes to actual policing, she doesnt know her arse from her elbow, and got all her merit from taking other peoples credit. As big headed as it sounds, I am brilliant at my job. I work my arse off and I am well respected at work, and I won't be spoken to like that by anyone.

This girl tried her best to make it look like I was being disrespectful to her and talking to her like shit, but I think that the Steve saw through it. She started shouting again, and I stood up, said that she is out of order, and obviously not the right person for the job, and told them that I was quitting. Steve managed to get me sat down, and spoke to me about how it will all be dealt with, but she just wouldnt give up, and kept talking to me like shit. In the end I threw my badge down and walked out.

I spoke to Steve and agreed not to quit there and then, but to take 3 days out until Monday to think things over and calm down. He stood and told me about how good he thinks I am and what an asset to the team I am etc, which was nice, because he never says stuff like that to anyone. One of the guys text me today and said that the Sarge had been demoted and moved to desk for the forseeable, which is a relief, and so I guess I will be going back after all, but I have never had a day like that before, where I absolutely hate my job. I am not even totally sure why I have written all this to be honest, but it just pissed me off no end. I think maybe I am just worried that it will taint my view of the job. We will have to wait and see I guess.

On another note I need a holiday. The Winter in the UK doesnt seem to want to end. 3 months of on/off snow, and freezing temperatures is driving me insane. Jay and I have been looking for destinations and we have whittled it down to a few, though none are particularly cheap. We are looking at Dubai, Hawaii, Tunisia or Mauritious, though right now, just for a bit of sunshine I would probably be happy with a weekend in Spain.

Anyway, this has turned into a really whiny little blog so I will leave it at that. Think I will take a wee while to give the blog that overhaul I was talking about a few weeks back.

Have a good weekend guys.

Ry

Making Up Random Words

Woohoo, two posts in two days. I havent managed that feat for a while.

I have been trying to catch up with my reading of posts today. I haven't been on here as much as I would like and I feel a bit like I am neglecting my readers a bit, so today I have been catching up, leaving my comments and just generally peeping in on all your lives.

I am not 100% sure what I am going to be writing about today. This could go either way I guess. I will either dribble on about crap until eventually you are all sleeping and dribbling into your keyboards, or it will be one of those times when all of a sudden, a hundred things spring to mind that I should tell you all about and you will need extra caffiene to get through it all. I will insert a sexy man picture at this point to sustain some interest.

I got a call this morning from work (I am off until Monday) saying that they have played around with my shifts and as of monday they are putting me on days (8-6 shifts) to see how that works out for a bit. I will still obviously be doing the twilights as well sometimes, but it will mean that my shifts are a bit more spread out, which means I will be seeing a whole lot more of Jay and my friends, which is a good thing.

Cinema tonight with Jay. We are going to see Invictus. Its all about rugby with Matt Damon in the lead, so I can't see how it can fail to impress me. I think Jay is quite excited too. He got his first taste of the game at the weekend when the Six Nations kicked off and he seemed to enjoy it. I told him that if he doesnt get it, then he can at least spend 80 minutes checking out all the hairy and toned legs, so it was a win win situation. I will update you all with whether or not the film is actually any good when I next post.

Off topic I know, but I am soooooo cold it is unreal. Its snowing again today and I just can't seem to get the apartment warmed up. Right now I am fully clothed, reporting to you from under a duvet, sat next to a radiator (and for some reason I have the theme tune to Murder She Wrote stuck in my head). This is quite a random scenario.

I have been asked by my old High School to go and give a talk about careers. How awesome is that? It's a bit scary and I haven't said yes yet, but I think I might do it. Nick, an old teacher of mine who I am still in touch with, is organising it, and I think he wants me there more than anything, to talk about adversity, rather than the actual job. I suppose for that reason, perhaps it is a good idea to do it. I remember when I was younger thinking I would never be able to do my job because I wouldnt be accepted for being gay, and I would have to spend the rest of my life pretending not to be. Maybe talking about how uneffecting my sexuality is on the job, will have a good impact on some of the kids? I don't know. High school was an awesome part of my life, but going back there now seems scary as hell. I have some time to think on it though. Would you do it?

How do you feel about some audience participation? Ew, perhaps audience is the wrong word to use. It makes it sound like you have come here to see me. Contributer participation. Is that a word? It sounds right but it looks odd. Off I go again, if it wasn't a word, it is now. So anyways, you all contribute with comments and opinions and such, so how about some more? I have been thinking about a site overhaul. I love the colour black. Black is classy. But I am sick of winter, and everytime I look at my blog it reminds me of dark and depressing nights. I want to herald in the new season with a change? Different colour, bit of personalisation, maybe even a name change. What do you think? Good idea? Any suggestions for colours or fonts etc?

While we are on the subject of contributers, a big hearty hello to all my new followers. Very happy to have you all on board, and I look forward to your comments and reading your stuff. I have said it before, but I will defo be getting my act together with this thing again soon. I need to update my shout out's and my dating disasters and stuff. Perhaps I will do a shout out or DD today?

So this really didnt end up being full of interesting stuff after all. Sorry about that. More boringness from me (and another made up word I think). It looks like several people have now dribbled into their keyboards after all. Oh well. I guess I will leave it at that for now. If you managed to stay with me this far, well done and thank you. I promise my next blog will be worth reading. It will be all about how I saved the world from imploding...... Or something.

Ry

Happy Valentine??

So I just got back from town. The one time I hate shopping is when I have to think of gifts for other people. Generally I pretty much love shopping, and I haven't had a good spree in quite some time, but today was a bloody nightmare and I blame it all on that bloody Saint Valentine fellow. I know Jay really well and I am confident that I can buy him things that he will love, but we are still in the stage where we are always buying things for each other, so most of the good ideas I have for gifts for him have already been used up on random gifts I pick up when I am in town. The hard part about today was getting things which say, I love you with all my heart. Generic DVD's or clothes just won't cut it.

The thing with me is, when it comes to shopping I never know when to stop. I never feel like I have got quite enough. Christmas is a nightmare because I end up spending hundreds of pounds more than is needed, buying extra gifts that aren't needed, so that I don't feel like I am being a cheapskate. I blame it on my younger brother. I remember one time when he was younger, saying to me 'is that all?' when I gave him his birthday presents and ever sinse then I go into overdrive whenever I have to buy people things. I will need to send my credit card to a health spa before long.

Anyways, so I walked around town thinking I will just get him a book or something. I know it sounds rubbish, but its the only thing he said he wanted. A specific hardback edition of the LOTR trilogy. It was £35 (£35 for a fucking book!) don't get me wrong, I dont mind spending the money, but the books are shit and so I felt like it was money wasted.

I wandered around the shops feeling lost. The worst part was probably trying to pick a card. Do you think I could find a nice, classy looking card? Could I hell. They were all trashy, chavvy or just plain wierd. One, for example, had a dog with boxing gloves on the front. Whats that all about? Lots of them, and I have no idea why, had rosettes stuck on the front. The type like they award dogs with at Crufts. Who thinks up these things? I mean seriously! What was I supposed to do with that? 'Here's your card. And congratulations on coming first in this year's best boyfriend awards'. Yuck! And why can't you just by a card with 'boyfriend' on the front, thats also nice to look at. The only ones that were remotely buyable had things like 'to my partner' on the front. Who the hell says that? Thats one of the most impersonable things you can have printed on the front of a card.

The only bit of the card selection process I enjoyed was looking at the older men hovering in their trenchcoats trying not to look too shifty whilst trying to find something that won't get them a slap off the missus. You could see the nerves all over their faces. These men looked like they were being sent to war, it was hysterical. Anyways, I found a half decent card (It's not the best, but the best they had) and headed to the till. The old lady behind the counter was looking at me funnily before finally saying 'you do know this card is meant for another man, don't you?', like I had gone in, closed my eyes and reached for any old card and hoped for the best. She quickly rushed through the sale when I asked her if she thought it was gay enough. Clintons ain't what it used to be I tell you.

I digress. Anyway, against my better judgement, I got the book, but as soon as I paid for it, I got that feeling again. Even though he said it is all he wanted, it just didnt seem enough. I ended up buying him another two books. Then I went and got him two computer games. Then a cd. Then Some chocolates. Some gorgeous underwear. Then some DVD's (see my issue here?). The thing is, the money doesnt figure into it. I dont mind spending the money. Its more the amount of actual gifts. I didn't want him to have that 'is that all' feeling, so I just kept going. I got him a mug with this little ditty on about being a brilliant boyfriend. Then I picked him up a few funny things, like a sex bell (for him to ring when he wants sex, obviously)....

Ooh I just had major Deja vu

Sorry, back on track. So I decided if I didnt get out of the shopping centre my bank would be sending men to bundle me off to shopaholics anonymous. On my way out though I passed a jewellers and I figured I should have a browse. I only went in to have a snoop but I ended up coming out with an engraved silver bracelet (Grrrr). Its lovely though. I had his name put on the plate part, then on the underside had the date we started going out. I think he will really like that.

By this point I was nearly free. The exit was in sight and I knew that I could be in the car park within three minutes. I swear, if I had had a scissors I would have cut my card to shreds. So just as I was about to get out of there, I passed the phone shop. I looked down at my bags and thought 'just one more thing' and ended up buying him an iPhone. Cupid Has a lot to answer for!

The thing is, I got home, looked at everything I baught and it hit me. He would have been happy with just a card. He would never say 'is this it?' and would be happy with anything I got him. I feel a bit silly now. I hate feeling like I havent done enough, but he will probably look at everything I got and wonder why I spoiled him so much when in reality, I really didnt need to do that. To top it all off, I forgot to get the wrapping paper. Bloody Valentines day!!

Ry

Surprises, Speed Dating and Silent Discos

Well hello there gentle readers. How goes it?

Major silence from me lately. Lots and lots to fill you all in on. I shall start from the beginning. Because I am boring like that. So Friday. I started work at 4am and finished at 2pm. Jay was home when I got back. Said he had taken a half day. He was fussing around sorting stuff out in the bedroom so I got my head down on the sofa for a couple of hours. He woke me up at about 6 and told me to jump in the shower. He was acting all weird and when I got out into the hallway there was two suitcases ready.

He told me to rush to get ready, so I did, though I hate surprises and kept nagging at him to tell me what was going on. Anyways, about 45 minutes later and a taxi pulls up to take us to the airport. We get there and he finally tells me that he has booked us a weekend away in Edinburgh. He knows how much I love that city. Basically, he wanted to take me for Valentines weekend, but he couldn't get the time off of work, so he arranged it for 2 weeks earlier, which I thought was lovely. Also means I will have to up my game in the gift stakes now.

So the flight didnt take long. Less than an hour. We got there and we were booked into this amazingly gorgeous hotel. Jay has never been before, but I lived there for a year when I was about 10, so I got even more excited at the thought of taking him around and showing him everything. It was quite late when we got there so we had some wine in the hotel and went to bed.

The following morning we got up and went down to the Grass Market to have a look around. I showed him the sights, Hollyrood, The Royal Mile, Edinbugh Castle, The Vaults etc and in the evening he took me out to a really nice restaurant for a meal. It was amazing. On sunday we did a bit more wandering and ate out again, but mainly spent the day chilling before coming home on Monday. It was such a brilliant weekend and a lovely surprise.

On tuesday my friend dragged me to a silent disco. It was awful. I felt like a prized nob standing there with my headphones in. I suppose the plus side to it was that I only had to listen to the music I like, but at any time when I took the headphones off, this eerie feeling came over me. Watching 200 people dancing in silence is a lot creepier than you would imagine. The beer was cheap though, so I got myself nice and merry listening to my iPod. I dont think I would do it again, but my friend loves all this kind of stuff. She is taking me speed dating in two weeks, so I have to pretend to be a single straight man for the night. Free champers though, so it didnt take long to talk me into it.

Jay thinks its hysterical. I keep telling him I am going to meet and settle down with a nice lady. It's doubtful, even if I was single and it was full of gay men though, that anything would come out of these things. Do people actually go there in the hope of meeting someone? Or is it just meant to be a bit of fun? I can't imagine a worse scenario for meeting people. 3 minutes to sell yourself to a 'prospective buyer' in the hopes that 3 minutes worth of conversation will lead to an actual date? Its stupid. Or am I stupid? Do these things work? Have any of you tried them? It tales me three minutes to check they have nice shoes, nice teeth and dont bite their nails (these are musts). I suppose its just a bit of fun anyways. Its not like I am looking for an actual date. And certainly not with one of them women creatures.

Wednesday and Thursday were both night shifts. After such a long week, they really took it out of me. I am trying to get myself onto some more humane shifts. It would mean that I dont have to have silly sleep patterns and would get some more time with Jay. I hate getting up and leaving him in the middle of the night. Or crawling into bed as he is leaving for work. Even if he is home when I finish a shift, the first thing I usually want to do is grab some sleep so by the time I wake up, he is heading to bed. Its not so bad so far because we are still getting to see each other a lot, but my hours will be increasing soon, and when I am tired, im a moody little shit, so I think if I can't get more flexible hours, then I will maybe request a transfer to another station. Its my own fault I guess, I requested the later shifts when I was single and now they dont suit me anymore. Lets hope I can get something sorted though.

Ive left a few things over at my old place so I have to pay a visit there over the next few days. I am really pissed off with them at the moment so I have been putting it off. I was sorting through some stuff the other day, and noticed that they have taken loads of my cd's and dvd's. To cover it though, they put the bloody cases back. You have to admire their strategy, but it has really pissed me off. Jay thinks I may have just put them in the wrong cases or something, but I am so anal about these things, I never would have. I still have my key so I am tempted to just go and have a snoop when I know that nobody is there, but I will leave that until after I have asked them. If they deny it, then I will do the snooping. Grrr, they make me so mad.

Nice and relaxed night for us tonight. Jay is doing some overtime, but then I am making a meal and we are sitting down to watch Erin Brockovich. He has never seen it. Crazy man. I am in the mood for it too, so that all we have planned. Bowling and then a meal in town tomorrow, then back in work for me at 8pm tomorrow night. No rest for the devilishly handsome I guess.

Have a good weekend guys.

Ry

Last Night Of Freedom

So that's it. I am all packed up. I failed my packing exercise. I said in an earlier post about how I intended to get all my stuff into 4 boxes and two suitcases, and I was sooooo close!! I managed 5 boxes, 3 suitcases and a bin bag. Thats not so bad is it? I can't wait to get out of here now. Everything changes tomorrow. I am not nervous or stressing about it though. I am going to embrace it and try to enjoy it all. It's a big old step but I wouldnt be taking it if I wasn't completely sure about it. the actual moving part will be a bitch though.

The guys I live with are taking me out for drinks this evening. Smelly Gav isnt coming. He was so excited about it, even though he wasnt invited, but the gods must have been smiling down on me because he got called into work at the last minute. At least it will be a better night without having to explain his odour to people in the bars. You never know though, maybe the celebration of me leaving would have called for him to have a bath or something?

I finished work at about 2pm today and I am not back in now until Tuesday. Jay has booked a long weekend too, so we can get settled and stuff. It should be awesome. I think he is planning for us to spend 4 days under the duvet watching tv and pigging out but he is going to get a shock. Im too anal to have boxes and mess around, so I wont be relaxing and chilling out until everything has a home. I must sound like some sort of cleaning weirdo. I will be better able to relax in a tidy apartment though. Then the fun of living together can start.

We had our wednesday night cinema night again last night. I like that we have our wednesday thing. I dont usually work on a wednesday so I was pooped this morning. I was up yesterday at about 9am, spent the day doing my packing, then picked Jay up from work at 5.30, before grabbing a bite and heading to the cinema, then I had to be in work at 12am and worked right through until 2pm today, so I slept for a good few hours before starting (and finishing) the last of my packing.

The comedy club on Monday was a total washout. They can often be a bit hit and miss because Monday is when the amateurs go on, but this week was awful. We ended up leaving after 2 acts and going and getting a pizza instead. I'm just glad it was free.

Not really an awful lot to say today. I wont bore you all with ramblings, so get your peepers around this and leave me some comments. Or not. Up to you. (but I would really like some)

Ooh, I should add though that because I am moving tomorrow, I dont know how long it will be until I get my internet up and running, so you may not hear from me for wee while. In the meantime, keep yourself safe guys.

Ry

Cleaning Up And Clearing Out

Mary bloody Poppins has a lot to answer for. I've clicked my fingers at everything in this house, and nothing is tidying itself up and putting itself away. Maybe I could get some enchanted broomsticks or something instead? I really can not be arsed to do it for myself. I have decided to have the biggest clear out ever. I really don't like packing, so i figure if I put most of my stuff in the bin, then I don't have to pack it. Ok, be honest with me, is that like the laziest thing ever? I hate being lazy, but I hate packing even more. I am trying to get the contents of my house into 4 boxes and 2 suitcases. That is the amount of space I have allocated myself. It's not going to happen is it?

My friends are saying I could make loads of money by selling the stuff that I am throwing away, but I can't see why anyone would want any of my second hand shit. I just horde way too much stuff. I always think to myself 'this will come in handy for something someday' and it gets shoved in a cupboard never to see the light of day again. Then there is all the cleaning that has to be done. i kow there will still be four people living here, but I can't leave a mess behind. I am too much of a clean freak for that. On the flipside of that coin though, 'smelly gav' suggested that the day before I move out, I should muck in and clean the whole house. I told him in no uncertain terms where he could go with that suggestion.

As I have mentioned before, I love cleaning. Nothing makes me happier than being in a clean environment. But after months of picking up everyones shit, I took a stand and refused to clean any mess that wasnt made by me. As a result the place is a pigsty. I think everyone thought I would cave in and do it, but I have been standing my ground and according to everyone else who lives here, the mess just appeared out of nowhere and none of them made it, so I should help them do a big clean before I go. No chance!

The move itself is 4 days away now. I cannot wait. Seriously. As well as the excitement of leaving here, I have the added excitement of moving in with Jay. It is a massive step, but I think things will work out brilliantly. Things between us just keep getting better and better, and every day I am a little more amazed at how well we fit. I am head over heels in love with this guy and it feels amazing.

Tonight we are going out for dinner and going to a comedy club. Monday nights is amateur night so it can be a bit hit and miss with the acts, but sometimes you get some amazing people on stage. Either way though the atmosphere is always good so it is always a good night.

I made up with my mum. I made the first move and it killed me. God I am so stubborn. I needed a favour though so I just rang and acted as though nothing had happened. I had to do a favour in return though, and so I now have a visitor coming up in february. My ten year old neice. My brother and sister in law need to go away to a wedding for the weekend, my neice didntwant to go and my mum will be abroad, so I have the honour. How the hell am I supposed to entertain her? There is nothing for kids to do in the city centre. She has me wrapped around her finger though so I will no doubt be spending the entire weekend going around the shops buying her clothes and toys. I suppose that will keep her entertained and it sounds like a great excuse to treat myself to some new clothes. It also gives her a chance to meet Jay too.

Ok so it is 1pm and now I feel really lazy. Im sitting buck naked in bed writing this. I got home about 9am from work and came to bed to have two hours sleep, got up, had a shower, and climbed right back into bed. I guess its time to get dressed and get packing..... Maybe I will have just 5 more minutes.

Ry

Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?

Work, work, work. I forgot how much I loved my job in all the time I had off, but I also forgot how hard it can be sometimes. I got so used to all my free time that I forgot how random my shift patterns are and trying to get back into the routine I had before Christmas is taking it's toll on me. I got so used to the late nights and lie in's that I am totally shattered all the time. I am taking this weekend to just chill out and catch up on some zzz's to get myself used to being up at all hours again. I am off now until Monday, but I am working 10pm until 7am so I will have to sort myself out by then.

This week me and my mates decided to try out a new bar called Taps. The name is based on the fact that you sit at your designated table, and pour your own drinks from the beer pumps that are on your table. A novel idea no? It beats queueing at the bar thats for sure because I am the most impatient person ever and nothing drives me more insane than being overlooked at the bar and someone getting served before me who came there after me.

So anyway, this bar is decked out pretty nicely, the tables could do with having a bit more room, and they could have had more to offer in the way of drink choices but it wasnt alltogether too bad. The bill however, made my heart sink. The drinks are a tad more expensive than average, on account that you are getting your own private pumps I guess, but having it there in front of you means you end up not really paying attention to how much you are drinking and between five of us we had a bill of just over £150 for a few hours worth of drinks. My recomendation: Go to the bar and keep an eye on your consumption.

I had a falling out with one of my friends this week. I am not the most tactful of people I admit, and generally my foot likes to live in my mouth, but one thing all my friends know is that they will always get complete honesty and truth from me, even if sometimes they don't want to hear it. So my friend comes to me for advice about their ex. Basically my lesbian friend and her girlfriend have split up (not Shane and her bitch, oh how I wish), but my friend is still pining, and is now spending her life at the beck and call of her ex, who is loving the fact that my friend comes running at the click of her fingers. My friend asked me if she was being silly and so I told her exactly what I thought. which was basically that her ex was using her and leading her on to think there was a chance of reconcilliation, when in reality, there was none etc.

She asked me for the truth and then kicked off when I gave it to her, saying I was out of order to talk about her ex that way, I dont know her, she wouldnt do that etc. So I ended up getting pissed off and causing more of a row for my friend being so blind to it all. I dont get why people come to you for advice or help and then moan because they dont hear what they want to hear. As my title today says, do you want the truth or something beautiful?

Jay and I resumed our Wednesday cinema dates this week. The choice was mine this week and so I opted for Nine. Bad move. What a horrendously bad film. The acting was brilliant, the premise was great, but the songs were dreadful, and the way they made the film itself left a lot to be desired. They tried so hard to make it Chicago, and it failed miserably. Within 20 minutes I wanted to leave. Jay was equally as bored. This film had all the ingredients to be a winner, but the plot was muddled and it was all just a bit rubbish. It is Jay's turn to choose next week and he has already decided on Sherlock Holmes. It better be good. Has anyone seen it?

Yesterday we put the last of the money down for our new place so we are all ready to go. It has cost us over £1000 just to get the place, and we finally get the keys this coming Friday. We could have had them sooner if it were a normal property, but because they aren't decorating the apartments until people snap them up, we have to wait for the walls to be painted, caprets to be laid etc, so we are using next weekend to move in. I can't wait. I have started my packing, which i hate doing, but I have condensed everything down as much as possible and thrown a lot of stuff away. I am a horder, I get it from my mum, so I am trying to nip that in the bud and only keep the essential stuff.

Jay is taking me out for lunch today. He has been spoiling me for the last few days, which you know, you can't complain about. He baught me a load of books and dvd's yesterday as well as taking me to lunch, and then he rang this morning saying he was missing me and to get myself nice and we will go for a meal, so I am meeting him in a few hours for that. Other than all that though, I don't think I really have much more to report.

Anyways, I will leave it at that for now. Hope that you all have a good weekend, and I shall be back again soon. Have fun guys.

Ry

Doctor, Doctor

If only it was as simple as a doctor, doctor joke. It turns out I am a bit of a spaz and I have caused myself even more injury, hence the last few days of silence. Firstly I slipped after mopping the kitchen, caught my head on the corner of microwave and now I have a lumpy head and a small cut. Then, the following day I fell in the snow, bashed my elbow and got covered in bruises, and then while cleaning last night I put my hand on the kettle to move it, and now I have major blisters. It wouldnt have been so bad, but I have a mettle kettle old fashioned looking thing, so it was hotter than a normal one would be. I'd only boiled it about 3 minutes before so it was a totally stupid thing to do. To top it off, I now have a chest infection as well. It really isnt my week. I think I should just set up shop at the doctors surgery. Oh well, keep smiling I guess.


And something to smile about of course is Jay. Just writing about him makes me grin from ear to ear. We had our first squabble this week. That wasn't fun at all. I suppose I made it a bigger issue than it needed to be. Basically, it emerged this week that he once slept with one of my dearest friends. I got really really upset and we ended up having a bit of a row. I tried being rational about it, but the thought kills me. In his defense, it happened about 4 years ago, before I knew either him or my friend, but it still cut. I'm not so naive as to think he doesnt have a past, but it was a little close to home, and not a situation I have been in before, so my reactions were just instinct. I am cool with things now, and we seem to be stronger and more determined to not let things break us up, but I don't know how I will feel when it comes to seeing my friend again. For the time being I am avoiding that situation completely.

On a lighter note though, things are back to normal, and probably better than they were before. I will be heading out to see him in an hour or so. He is comeing with me while I have a look at two apartments then we shall be getting some food and watching a film, before heading home. He is staying here for the night tonight.

Back to work tomorrow night. I'm dead excited. And a bit miffed that my long holiday is finally over. Could be worse though I guess. I will no doubt be stuck doing shedloads of paperwork and dealing with drunks, but I dont mind. I really love it. The shifts will get better once I have my cast off. Its starting to really itch now. I accidently smacked Jay accross the head with it in my sleep the other day too. I dont think he was best pleased.

Anyways, I must away. I know it is only a short one today, but I didnt leave myself much time and I need to pick something to wear that doesnt clash with my cast :P

Ry

P.S.... I Love You

OK, so I want to start this blog firstly by saying a big hello and welcome to all the new followers I gained over the christmas break. Its usually a lot more active than this, so please stick with me while I get back into a rhythm after having a wee while off. Come say hello.

Secondly, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been commenting, and sorry to everyone who I havent commented on. I promise I aint being ignorant and will get around to reading everything and giving my 2 pennies worth over the next two days.

So, I finally got to see Jay again properly. WOW. What an amazing day. The whole way there I had this massive grin on my face and I couldnt wait to just wrap my arms around him. As soon as I saw him I practically jumped on him and we held each other for ages. It felt like I hadnt seen him in months. We went and dropped his stuff off at mine and then went out to get some food and, I know this probably sounds weird, but get used to each other again.

We told each other tales of what we had been up to sinse we last saw each other. We filled a lot of conversation considering we had spoke each day, but it was very confortable with no awkward silences or anything and when the meal was over we headed back to mine. It was still pretty early, maybe 6ish, so we just lay on the bed together for a while, hugging, before taking a shower together. As soon as we were in there we couldnt keep our hands off each other and that is how we were for the next 5 or six hours.

It was so nice just to kiss and feel him against me again. but I lept zoning out every now and again, just caught up in the moment I guess. I did a lot of thinking over the holidays. Thoughts about us and where we may be headed, how much I missed him and how much I wanted to be with him, and it hit me. I am totally head over heels in love with this guy. I've known sinse I met the guy over a year ago that I had strong feelings for him. Feelings that didnt go away even when we lost touch for a while, and sinse we got back together two months ago I knew I was starting to love him, but I guess like they say, absense makes the heart grow fonder, and that was certainly the case.

The whole day that I was with him I felt like my head was going to explode. I had this massive feeling inside of me that was needing to come out, but I was just so aprehensive about how he may react. Was it too soon? Would he freak out? Would he even want to hear it? The funny thing is, it never entered my head as to whether or not he may say it back. I had no expectations at all, I just knew that I needed to tell him, but everytime I went to open my mouth nothing would come out. I just couldnt find the right time. Should I say it during sex? While we were cuddled up? Should I just drop it into conversation and hope it goes by without major reaction? I promised myself that however i did it, I would say it before I went to sleep.

In the end I kind of chickened out. I was so nervous about how he would react, that the 'perfect moment' scenario went out the window. My time was running out and by 3am he was giving me a kiss goodnight. I waited until the lights were out so I couldnt see his face, nor he mine, and as I said goodnight I whispered 'I love you'. A literal second of silence went by but it felt like a lifetime. In that one second I managed to have a million thoughts. I didnt know if he had heard me, or decided to ignore me, or was mortified that I had said it at all, and in that one second, I felt a fool. Just as I was about to open my mouth to apologise for making things awkward, he leaned in, kissed me on the lips and said 'I love you too, so much'.

My nerves subsided a tiny bit and a wave of relief came over me. Next thing I knew he was climbing onto me and we ended up making out and having sex again, and the perfect moment that I missed earlier, came into realisation then. Once it was said, it was like the flood gates were opened. We kept saying it too each other like we couldnt quite believe it had been said at all, and it may be the last chance we had to say it. He told me that he had been wanting to say it all day, and even before, but didnt know how and was hoping I was feeling the same so that I could say it first, which made me laugh. We were like a pair of fools, too scared to say it to the other. This morning we woke up wmiling at each other and it was heaven.

Right now I am amazingly happy and I just wanted to share my little story with you all. 2010 has started off brilliantly. Here's to a million more 'I love you's'.

Ry