Thursday, 3 December 2009

Dating Disasters - 2

As much as I would like to say that all my dating disasters are caused by the other guy being an oddball or doing something stupid, but believe it or not, I know its hard, but sometimes I am the nightmare date and just to be fair to all the men I moan about, I am going to share one of those times.

When I was about 19 I lived in Ibiza for one summer, working as a PR person (hanging outside bars trying to get people to come in etc). I loved it. The best summer of my life so far without a doubt. Two bars down from where I worked there was a guy called Guy and working in between us was a girl called Sarah. For the first two months, Sarah was always trying to play matchmaker between us. She used to tell me how into me he was, but without him coming over and speaking to me himself in that context, I wasnt going to make any sort of move. I think a part of me was scared. He was American, gorgeous and if I am honest, I thought Sarah was winding me up about how much he liked me.

After about 2 months he finally came over and asked me out. We both had the same day off later that week and it was arranged. I think he was about 26 at the time and he was so hot that I just couldnt believe he was into me. I think the nerves got the better of me because I ended up drinking the better half of a bottle of vodka before our date. By the time we hit the bars I was already pretty wasted, and I didnt stop. I wanted to, but I just couldnt stop drinking. In fairness though, he was hitting a few back as well. We had a great night of dancing and flirting and we shared a few kisses too and at the end of the night he came back to my apartment.

It all started out so well. We got through the door and we were totally into each other, tearing each others clothes off before finally settling on the sofa. Things were progressing quickly and I ended up on the floor while he sat on the couch and I gave him head. I was pretty drunk so taking my time but the more he got into it, the more he started pushing down on my head. I was having a hard time concentrating because everytime I closed my eyes I was getting the whirlies. Anyways, he kept pushing down on my head and as hard as I tried, I couldnt stop gagging.

I tried to pull myself away, but he was having none of it and without being able to stop myself, I was sick all over his dick. (Oh my god I dont know why I am admitting this, I am so embarrassed) It was everywhere, all over my sofa, on his dick and balls and legs, everywhere. I knew there and then that the night had come to an end and it was probably for the best. Guy just got up, pulled his shorts up over the sick (ew!), and left, and for some reason I never heard from him again. Sarah told me that he had moved to another bar down the road out of embarrassment. I think I would have died on the spot if I had seen him again anyway.


  1. That happened to my friend once but instead of the guy running away, he had a shower and asked her to finish him off.

  2. Haha.. thanks for the story.. I think we all have some traumatic experiences, you just have the balls to tell it!

  3. Oh... oh dear. I've heard stories about that, but... never actually...

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your dignity. ;-)

    Think about it this way: Somewhere on *this* side of the ocean is a guy with the exact opposite story. ;-)

  4. lol.
    thanks for the post...

    Everybody has embarrassing stories to tell but not everybody has the guts to make them public.

    My story has to do with my very tight (then, not anymore) foreskin (I'm uncut) and it being torn a bit while having sex. We didn’t even get to the point of me wearing a condom. The result was a fountain of blood. You have no idea how much blood there was (think of how you get an erection). I felt weak and light headed of blood loss. The guy totally lost it. There was blood on the bed sheets, on the carpet, on the tiles while I was trying to go the bathroom etc. I felt so embarrassed and bad from making blood pools everywhere (not my house). The place seemed like a murder scene…
    I had to try not to get hard for a while but I healed after a couple of days but never heard of him. I can’t believe I’m sharing this…

  5. That happened to me once Nik. I know what you mean, its painful and the amount of blood is shocking. Guess I wont have to share that dating disaster now though lol.

    I dont mind sharing my stories. I think I just have no shame, though I do cringe when I think of some of the things that have happened. I am starting out pretty tame. As these stories progress they will be getting worse I assure you.

    Thanks for all the comments guys.


  6. nothing as bad as that but did go with a guy who loved armpits licking
    wanking over them even pulling the hair biting the skin and soft me let it happen just the once mind you and i was a bit pissed didnt do that again DRU

  7. lol crap happens , we are human.... lol he got what he ask for lol ... if you asked me ... oh brings back some memories .. although I didn't leave and wasn't getting any head lol didn't go that far ... he laid his head down and well that was it ... clean up us put him in bed ... and slept ... had another good time later but had been with him for a while.... lol I did get even lol another nite .... lol ... thanks for sharing

  8. @Nik and @Ryan: I think you two just reinforced my feeling that I have not yet achieved the "uncircumcised" skill level of penis.

  9. Well, shit (or puke) happens. Why couldn't he have acknowledged that and just seen the funny side of it day or two later? Was it really necessary to disappear and never contact you again, rather than try again another night without so much booze inside you? I suppose it's youth and its pointless concern over 'loss of cool'. And re. the story of the bleeding foreskin, well, the indifference of the other bloke is quite shocking. He should have made a point of contacting Nik later to check if he was OK.

  10. I had a guy bleed on me once. We were making out on his bed for a while and then he sits up and says "I think you're bleeding, do you taste that?" After he said it, I could kinda taste it. This was a first date mind you. Haha. So I'm like trying to figure out if its my lip or what and then we turn on the light and theres like blood all around my neck/mouth and on the white t-shirt i was wearing. Somehow, I guess he cut himself shaving or something, but it was HIM that was bleeding. He was really apologetic. But after a little washing up, some hydrogen peroxide, and a Tide stain pen, we were back at it.