As much as I would like to say that all my dating disasters are caused by the other guy being an oddball or doing something stupid, but believe it or not, I know its hard, but sometimes I am the nightmare date and just to be fair to all the men I moan about, I am going to share one of those times.
When I was about 19 I lived in Ibiza for one summer, working as a PR person (hanging outside bars trying to get people to come in etc). I loved it. The best summer of my life so far without a doubt. Two bars down from where I worked there was a guy called Guy and working in between us was a girl called Sarah. For the first two months, Sarah was always trying to play matchmaker between us. She used to tell me how into me he was, but without him coming over and speaking to me himself in that context, I wasnt going to make any sort of move. I think a part of me was scared. He was American, gorgeous and if I am honest, I thought Sarah was winding me up about how much he liked me.
After about 2 months he finally came over and asked me out. We both had the same day off later that week and it was arranged. I think he was about 26 at the time and he was so hot that I just couldnt believe he was into me. I think the nerves got the better of me because I ended up drinking the better half of a bottle of vodka before our date. By the time we hit the bars I was already pretty wasted, and I didnt stop. I wanted to, but I just couldnt stop drinking. In fairness though, he was hitting a few back as well. We had a great night of dancing and flirting and we shared a few kisses too and at the end of the night he came back to my apartment.
It all started out so well. We got through the door and we were totally into each other, tearing each others clothes off before finally settling on the sofa. Things were progressing quickly and I ended up on the floor while he sat on the couch and I gave him head. I was pretty drunk so taking my time but the more he got into it, the more he started pushing down on my head. I was having a hard time concentrating because everytime I closed my eyes I was getting the whirlies. Anyways, he kept pushing down on my head and as hard as I tried, I couldnt stop gagging.
I tried to pull myself away, but he was having none of it and without being able to stop myself, I was sick all over his dick. (Oh my god I dont know why I am admitting this, I am so embarrassed) It was everywhere, all over my sofa, on his dick and balls and legs, everywhere. I knew there and then that the night had come to an end and it was probably for the best. Guy just got up, pulled his shorts up over the sick (ew!), and left, and for some reason I never heard from him again. Sarah told me that he had moved to another bar down the road out of embarrassment. I think I would have died on the spot if I had seen him again anyway.