Secondly, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been commenting, and sorry to everyone who I havent commented on. I promise I aint being ignorant and will get around to reading everything and giving my 2 pennies worth over the next two days.
So, I finally got to see Jay again properly. WOW. What an amazing day. The whole way there I had this massive grin on my face and I couldnt wait to just wrap my arms around him. As soon as I saw him I practically jumped on him and we held each other for ages. It felt like I hadnt seen him in months. We went and dropped his stuff off at mine and then went out to get some food and, I know this probably sounds weird, but get used to each other again.
We told each other tales of what we had been up to sinse we last saw each other. We filled a lot of conversation considering we had spoke each day, but it was very confortable with no awkward silences or anything and when the meal was over we headed back to mine. It was still pretty early, maybe 6ish, so we just lay on the bed together for a while, hugging, before taking a shower together. As soon as we were in there we couldnt keep our hands off each other and that is how we were for the next 5 or six hours.
It was so nice just to kiss and feel him against me again. but I lept zoning out every now and again, just caught up in the moment I guess. I did a lot of thinking over the holidays. Thoughts about us and where we may be headed, how much I missed him and how much I wanted to be with him, and it hit me. I am totally head over heels in love with this guy. I've known sinse I met the guy over a year ago that I had strong feelings for him. Feelings that didnt go away even when we lost touch for a while, and sinse we got back together two months ago I knew I was starting to love him, but I guess like they say, absense makes the heart grow fonder, and that was certainly the case.
The whole day that I was with him I felt like my head was going to explode. I had this massive feeling inside of me that was needing to come out, but I was just so aprehensive about how he may react. Was it too soon? Would he freak out? Would he even want to hear it? The funny thing is, it never entered my head as to whether or not he may say it back. I had no expectations at all, I just knew that I needed to tell him, but everytime I went to open my mouth nothing would come out. I just couldnt find the right time. Should I say it during sex? While we were cuddled up? Should I just drop it into conversation and hope it goes by without major reaction? I promised myself that however i did it, I would say it before I went to sleep.
In the end I kind of chickened out. I was so nervous about how he would react, that the 'perfect moment' scenario went out the window. My time was running out and by 3am he was giving me a kiss goodnight. I waited until the lights were out so I couldnt see his face, nor he mine, and as I said goodnight I whispered 'I love you'. A literal second of silence went by but it felt like a lifetime. In that one second I managed to have a million thoughts. I didnt know if he had heard me, or decided to ignore me, or was mortified that I had said it at all, and in that one second, I felt a fool. Just as I was about to open my mouth to apologise for making things awkward, he leaned in, kissed me on the lips and said 'I love you too, so much'.
My nerves subsided a tiny bit and a wave of relief came over me. Next thing I knew he was climbing onto me and we ended up making out and having sex again, and the perfect moment that I missed earlier, came into realisation then. Once it was said, it was like the flood gates were opened. We kept saying it too each other like we couldnt quite believe it had been said at all, and it may be the last chance we had to say it. He told me that he had been wanting to say it all day, and even before, but didnt know how and was hoping I was feeling the same so that I could say it first, which made me laugh. We were like a pair of fools, too scared to say it to the other. This morning we woke up wmiling at each other and it was heaven.
Right now I am amazingly happy and I just wanted to share my little story with you all. 2010 has started off brilliantly. Here's to a million more 'I love you's'.