Anyways, After writing it all out and going over it, listening to what others said and thinking harder about what I wanted, I decided to drop him a text and arranged to meet up with him tonight once he finished work. We were going to do what was planned for yesterday, food and drinks, but in the end we got on a tram and just went straight back to his.
The atmosphere between us was fine and we were laughing and talking and flirting, but when he tried to kiss me a pulled away and told him that we needed to talk. I explained to him my reservations about the situation and told him I wanted him to talk to me about stuff. To most of you that would probably seem like an ordinary request, but he is very much a man of few words, only ever saying the words that need to be spoken, and keeping his emotions and feelings to a minimum. It took a while to get him to open up, but in the end we had a really good discussion and the air between us was cleared.
Once all that was out of the way we got down to the good stuff. No not sex you dirty bastards. We played World Of Warcraft...... Then we had sex afterwards. This time though it was different. It wasnt frenzied like it normally was, but it was slow and passionate and he was more affectionate and passionate than I had ever known him to be.
He asked me to stay the night, but I couldnt. I wasn't making excuses, I really had to leave, but I genuinly wanted to stay. I could have stayed curled up in that bed with him all night. We have however, made plans for this coming Wednesday, and Sunday.
Letting go of 'rules' I have lived by for a long time isn't easy, but what it definately is, is liberating. Part of me feels like I am rebelling against myself, but I feel like I am doing the right thing. Someone said to me the other day that you should regret the things you do, not the things you don't, and I have a feeling that I won't be regretting this.
One is very happy :D