OK so I said yesterday that I would start talking about some of my dating disasters and so here is the first. I've been in quite a few awkward situations with guys, and rather than let it get me down like some people do, I usually see the funny side and move on, so with a bit of luck these will make you chuckle until milk runs out of your nose, and it would be great to hear some of yours too.
Ok so this story is short because I didnt stay around for too long, but here goes. About 2 years ago I was out with a friend in a bar and I got chatting to this guy called Russell. He seemed nice enough. He looked a bit unkempt, but in a hot way rather than a scruffy way. He was a student I think, and he seemed to have the attitude of a bit of a tree hugger. Anyways, we arranged to go out later in the week, and exchanged numbers.
A few days later on the 'date' we met outside a bar and then had a couple of drinks. Things seemed to be going well and he asked if I wanted to go and get some food somewhere. We were near china Town so I thought we would end up going there or to some of the nicer places nearby, but as we walked he was telling me about all these different allergies he suffered from and how he can only eat certain foods, and we ended up in McDonalds. To say I was pissed off is an understatement. Dont get me wrong, I have nothing against the place, but when your dressed to impress and out with someone on a date, its not the place to be seen.
Despite his choice of eatery, the night wasnt so bad and I invited him back to mine. we had a few drinks and then went into the bedroom. Things were a bit awkward at first. He undressed me, but was really reluctant to take his own clothes off. After about half an hour I was close to giving up and wanted to ask him to leave, but then he finally got naked and got in bed and things seemed to be back on course.
We had to share a single bed and it wasnt so comfortable, but he was kinda lying on top of me. He started to nuzzle his head into my neck and I thought he was going to kiss it, but then, out of fucking nowhere, he starts purring. FUCKING PURRING!!! I mean full on, from the diaphragm, purring. In the 30 seconds it took me to work out what the hell was going on, he startes nuzzling into my neck again, licking his hand like a cat and griding his dick against my leg.
I asked him what the fuck he was doing, and he just looked at me, still purring, and asked me if I would call him Kitten!!!??! "Kitten?", I questioned, and as I did, he let out a big sigh, pushed himself against me one more time and then shot a load onto my leg!! My reaction was a mix of shock and disgust and it took me less than 5 minutes to have him dressed and out of my flat. I never saw or heard from him again, thank god!